The Road to Right Here

Just had to get it off my chest...

2011-06-05T19:56:00.003-04:00

My heart dropped this morning for the first time in a long time when Caleb told us lightheartedly that some of the kids in the neighborhood and he play Truth or Dare sometimes, and that once one of the kids dared him to pull down his pants - and he did. Not his underwear, he said. Just his pants. I fought back my tears as in my mind I fast forwarded his life 30 years to him getting flashbacks of a childhood of sexual abuse. Of some neighborhood "friend" or trusted parent playing silly games with him that led to more than just laughter, but to shame and forever messed up everything.

Having grown up in a household where my own mother's flashbacks started when she was 38 - not much older than I am now...when I was not much older than Caleb is now, my greatest fear is that something like that will happen to my own children that I won't know about or have control of. I am constantly paranoid that some older kid they play with or the ice cream truck guys have ulterior motives. I am, however, aware that I do not want to smother my children, so we give them plenty of freedoms. We let them down the street a few houses to play on a neighbor's porch, or to a close friend's backyard - we feel safe enough about this. But, what do we do when they start playing truth or dare on that front porch and pulling their pants down at the request of others?

Caleb sat with me outside on a picnic table chair this afternoon as Jon and I chatted with him about the game and about his friends and about how he felt, etc. It made my heart ache looking down at my sweet angel who had a scraped knee from his fall off the swingset, and at the crumbs on his shirt from the Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich he'd just finished. He's just a baby, yet here we were talking about such heavy stuff. He said that he felt like he had to do it because he'd been dared to, but that he really didn't want to. UGH!! If that doesn't make a mother's heart explode...

Because this is such an emotional subject for me, Jon is the more level headed one with this. He assures me that we are working now to nip this in the bud and lay groundwork to be certain that this doesn't continue. Caleb knows he isn't allowed to play that game, and he knows why. He knows that a few of his best friends are for sure not allowed to play, so if anyone ever asks them to play, he can say no, and they can all walk away together. That's if I ever let him out of my sight again!!

It's easy to brush off a simple game like that as "curiosity" or whatever. But...what if it's not? What if childhood sexual abuse is so common that we have just become familiar with these twisted little games to the point where they seem "normal" to us now? We have not raised our children to believe that it would EVER be normal or okay to request of their friend to take off their pants. I will not justify something that is unacceptable by believing that every child plays this game.

So, I put my baby to bed tonight and prayed over him for protection from the sicknesses of this world. I thank God for Caleb's desire to do what he feels is right, and for his desire to be honest with his Mommy and Daddy. I prayed over Hannah and Johnny and Lily - for that protection. I am so afraid - what a huge responsibility we have been given to raise these babies. It has never felt quite so heavy as it has today.

I will go to bed tonight assured that my child hasn't been harmed or scarred for life, and with the confidence that our discovery of this "game" truly has enabled us to bring this to an end - for now. But I still will go to bed with my biggest fear remaining... and it's quite an uneasy feeling...

Playing Catch-Up...or Something

2010-10-26T22:51:00.002-04:00

I have literally not looked at my blog (or really anyone else's, for that matter) in nearly 4 months...mostly I'm sorry to myself for that - and Sam. Why have i been avoiding it? Well, I pretty much reached my weight goals (although I'm up about 5 pounds from where I want to be, but it's not from a lack of knowing what to do and how to do it, just from slacking), and I just didn't want to blog about that boring stuff anymore. And lately, I have had SO MUCH on my mind that I haven't even known where to begin when it comes to playing catch-up with blogging. So, maybe I won't even try...

But where should I begin? Maybe I will just list some thoughts I've been having, and then at some point in later blogs I will expand on some of the details on some of my thoughts. Yeah...that's what I'll do.

So, lately I've been struggling with:

* my feelings that perhaps the church as a whole (and I am generalizing here) is REALLY missing it. This is a horrendously sick and dying world - physically and spiritually - and it seems we've convinced ourselves that showing up and doing all the right, cool things on Sundays is what it means to live a life worthy of the calling of Christ...

* my feelings of judgment towards the judgmental. Does that make sense? So many Christians put so much emphasis on the DON'Ts in life (are we even certain that they are "don'ts"?) that we forget about the command to LOVE. I struggle not to get angry with that.

* waiting on God. He has caused my heart to really beat for those in developing nations, but I struggle not knowing WHEN or even IF He will send us to them, and if He is, then by what means will He use? I've allowed this to be a factor of UNmotivation for me in present day living - with my home, and my kids, and my husband and serving right here and now.

* a lack of feeling as though I'm stepping out on faith to do anything. I was encouraged in our Uganda meeting on Sunday to hear one team member talk about how this trip is THE GREATEST leap of faith that he has ever taken. I crave that leap, and that need and that dependence. What am I missing? What am I not doing? Am I stagnant?

* wondering if this trip to Uganda that Jon and I are leading is a God-driven and led trip, or something that I just decided to plan to get me to Africa sooner than God is intending. Wow, that's scary for me to say out loud...

Maybe that's it for now. If I have one or two readers left out there, don't hesitate to comment or ask questions.

Ahhhh...I must say, it feels good to be back!

Weigh-In #??

2010-07-08T14:16:00.002-04:00

While I HAVE been keeping track of what I eat, how much water I drink and the exercising I do, I have NOT been keeping track of weeks or weigh-in numbers. So, today was weigh in # who knows. But...who cares, cause the outcome is GREAT! I started back in April weighing in at 152. Then I did the Master Cleanse, but gained most of that 9 pounds back. I started this particular weight loss journey - the sustainable, habit changing, healthier living journey - at 149. My goal weight is 130, which will be 22 pounds when all is said and done. (I know, I'm AWESOME at math!) Today when I got on the scale it read 133.4! WOW! I was really hoping to be at 135 by Lily's birthday which is on the 22nd...but ideally I wanted to be at my goal - and now I am seeing that it just might be possible! Last week I was 136.8, so it seems if I really stick with it for these next couple of weeks, that I'll be there!

I really wish I had taken actual BEFORE pictures, because the difference I see and feel is amazing - to me, at least. I'd really like to be able to compare it with an AFTER picture in a couple weeks. But, I shouldn't complain because I'm nearly there, picture or no picture! HOORAY!

Keep Your Head Up!

2010-07-06T14:37:00.003-04:00

Sounds worse than it is... I'm not hanging my head out of shame or failure or anything of the kind. I'm simply reminding myself that with all the 5:45am walks and runs I'm venturing out on, I need to keep my head up so I don't miss all those early morning creatures!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted...I'VE BEEN BUSY, and still am, actually. I'm having a yard sale this Friday and Saturday, VBS in our neighborhood starting the 19th and I'm the music leader (motions and all, people!), PLUS we're moving into our new house on the 31st and there's TONS to do (of which Jon is doing 99% of it...I've just done some painting)! So, there's a lot going on, but I'm happy to say that WEIGHT LOSS IS one of the things happening.

I FINALLY fell off my plateau of 141.8 pounds, and I can see and feel a significant difference! Trying clothes on in the dressing rooms used to be HORRIBLY depressing, as I would bring in things that I thought would fit, but NOPE, they sure didn't cause my sweet love-handles and gut would be protruding from all sides - UGH! Now I can bring skinny-person shirts into the dressing room and actually be excited about the way they fit! HOORAY!! Feels good!

None of this has anything to do with my blog title. What I was going to talk about were all the cute little animals I see in the mornings when I go out. I'm up super early so the raccoons, groundhogs, rabbits and birds don't know to expect anyone. I've had a few face-offs with the local raccoon family...I can't tell who's more intimidated by our closeness - me or the raccoon. But we've been close! Then there's the cute little bunnies. Oh, but that poor, poor beautiful blue jay I hit with my car yesterday on my way to go walking with my dad. It was a sad moment. Anyway, I do like to keep my head up so I can see this morning beauty that all the happily sleeping people (of whom I am slightly jealous) are missing.

HOWEVER, if I kept my head up all the time I would have missed my scale reading 136.8 this past Thursday...GETTING CLOSE to my goal! I'm going to weigh in again this Thursday in hopes for another loss. 6.8 pounds until the end! Wonder if I can make it by Lily's 1st birthday on the 22nd?? Maybe that's pushing it...

Still at it...

2010-06-03T15:32:00.003-04:00

It's been a little while since I've updated. Mostly because I don't have anything exciting to write about, but I guess that's not exactly the point of this journey. It's more about the accountability - letting the world (or all 3 of you readers) know what I'm up to and showing you all the dirty numbers on the scale!

So the update is this: I'm definitely still at this whole getting in shape thing. I've been faithful with my weekly exercise routines, and am doing well with protein intake versus sugar and fat intake for the most part. I feel a LOT better when I am clothed and look in the mirror. I see a significant difference no matter what the scale says, which is what's the most important I think.

Two major feel good moments: 1. on Monday I weighed in UNDER 140 for the first time in a LONG time - hooray!! I was 139.8...I'll take it! 2. I tried on my 2 bathing suits that I own (one of which I figured out I've had for 9 years), and I actually didn't hate it. Now that's progress!!

So maybe I did have exciting things to write about after all! I have less than 10 pounds to go now (9.8 to be exact) until I reach my goal weight. I hear that the last few pounds are the hardest to lose. Sounds awesome. I guess I'll just keep at it and get there eventually!!

BTW - Jon and I bought our first house - HOORAY!!!! :) (and this is the just-home-from-the-closing picture...)

2010-05-22T16:51:00.002-04:00

For some reason I've been losing a little of my motivation to really be eating healthy. When I'm out or at a friend's house I feel like I'm just throwing it all down the drain and eating what everyone else is having, regardless of how bad it is for me. I am wondering if it's partially due to the fact that my healthy and yummy breakfast foods are gone. I'd been having 3 egg whites with salsa (actually REALLY yummy!) and/or some organic vanilla yogurt with granola. With those things not being in the house, I feel like my day isn't jump started with healthy eating like it had been. Instead I've been having either whole wheat toast with Simply Jif peanut butter or some Multi-Grain Cheerios...both of which are pretty good, but not my usual start to the day that's been exciting to me. Hmmm... Maybe I should just get out and actually go shopping and see if helps to have that food around.

This week has been really good for my work-out plan. I've done 2 days of interval training on the treadmill, which I love....after it's all over. It's TOUGH, though! It's going back and forth between a quick walk to all different speeds of jogging and running - all the way to 10mph - kill me now! I sweat like a nasty beast when it's done! But, I know I've worked hard, at least! I've done 2 days of lifting, which has been really cool. I'm supposed to be focusing on doing the exercise correctly and breathing the right way - amazing the difference those things make! It doesn't take much to really feel my muscles working! I also did 1 day of just walking...3 miles wit friends at a walking trail plus another 2 miles on the treadmill. I enjoy a good long walk!

I just don't know if I'm going to make it down to my goal weight. I feel stuck right around this 140 spot...feel like I've been stuck here for years! Just need to stick with it, I guess...and wait until I reach my goal to allow myself to plateau. Hmph - I'm a big whiner, huh?! :)

Wed. Weigh-In...A Wasted Week!

2010-05-20T12:28:00.002-04:00

Well, yesterday was weigh-in number 3, and while it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, I wasn't happy with the results. I gained .4 pounds - almost a half a pound, and was 141.6. Not surprising after my weekend away...details on that weekend are in the previous post if anyone cares. I was SUUUUPER excited to get into the 130's, so I was bummed feeling like I'd wasted a whole week. Now I have to keep trying and see if I can get there by next Wednesday.

I have started my lifting and interval training routine, which has been great! The lifting seems a little easy, so I may need to find out about tweaking that a bit. But 20 minutes of interval training between 4mph and 10mph on the treadmill kicked my BUTT - and it felt SO good afterward! I'm really looking forward to keeping this up and seeing the results.

One of the motivating factors for me in all this is helping to inspire others to get up and go, too. My sister-in-law has been out regularly walking and I am SO proud of her for getting out there and doing it! Also, I was super mean to my friend last night and MADE her get off her butt and exercise - haha! She protested, but felt so good in the end that she'd done it. I'm really proud of you guys!! :) So, let's stay in this together, shall we? :)

A (GREAT) So-So Weekend & the "Plan"

2010-05-17T13:41:00.003-04:00

The weekend away had it's good points and it's bad points - as far as the eating and exercising goes...the time away was ALL good! It was refreshing, relaxing and so much fun to catch up with friends and spend some much needed time with just adults! Back to the eating... The first afternoon and night I spent with some friends who have been following my little journey towards reclaiming my body, so Erin (my friend) greeted me with a 4 mile walk, and a healthy dinner that night. It was great! I skipped breakfast the following morning (I know, not smart, right?) because I knew I would be eating out for the rest of the weekend. Some choices were better than others, and I didn't get any more exercise in (besides walking through the shops and streets).

So, today is a new day, and I am READY to get back on track....not that there is really a track - which is actually what I really love about my change this time around, is that it's not about diets or rules, it's just about lifestyle changes. In the past when I have cut something out of my diet, like desserts for example, that's ALL I can think about. I crave it. I yearn for it. I NEED it. But this time, I am allowing myself whatever, whenever. In general, I am just trying to make smarter choices, and I'm happy with the results so far. I feel better, I am starting to look better, and I'm realizing that I can do it! Cheesy, ain't it?! ;)

Today I am starting my little exercise "plan" that our friend John gave me. It fits my schedule and is all very doable! It has variety, and I'm not going to be forcing myself to try and do things I don't like...I always wished that I loved running long distances, but I just don't! So anyway, this routine works best for my body to help meet my goals.

Here's the layout of my week:

Monday and Thursday: Lifting (5 specific exercises) and 20 minutes of whatever on the treadmill, but only if I WANT - sweet, huh?!
Tuesday and Friday: 20 minute interval training on the treadmill
Wednesday: 45-60 minutes of walking or jogging or whatever I want on the treadmill

That's it, really. I'd like to try and maybe get out to the walking trail on Saturdays with the family, but that ends up being more of a stroll than a work-out sometimes. But, what's more important than spending time with the family, so WHO CARES! :)

Well, the kiddos are asleep so I'd better hop to it!

Weigh-In #2

2010-05-12T12:23:00.002-04:00

Well, my weekend of good choices seems to have paid off, and that's a great feeling!! Here are the numbers:

* Original weigh-in: 149.4
* Weigh-in #1: 146
* Today's weigh-in: 141.2
* This week's weight-loss: 4.8 lbs.
* Total weight-loss: 8.2 lbs.

I'm really hoping that by this time next week I will be in the 130's. I haven't been below 140 since we were in Kenya 3 years ago. Before that it hasn't been since before I became pregnant with Caleb. So, I am SUUUUUPER excited to make the 130's my actual weight! But...I'm not there yet, so I need to slooooow down! I'm just so excited! I am going away this weekend, and will be eating out for a number of meals. But, I KNOW I can do well this weekend just like this past weekend, and I am looking forward to seeing positive results come from making good choices!

Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit...

2010-05-11T15:33:00.002-04:00

I was emailed this super yummy recipe from Spark People (a "diet" website I was VERY briefly a part of right before I found out I was pregnant with Lily) for "Black Bean Hummus", and since we have an overabundance of black beans in our "Austin Convenience Store" (thank you, WIC) I decided to make some. It's 2 cans of black beans, 1/2 an onion, 1/2 green pepper, some garlic and ground cumin all blended up with some salsa. Yummy. Healthy. Delicious on a whole wheat wrap or as a chip dip. Yesterday I had my one serving (1/2 cup) of this dip along with one serving of (organic) tortilla chips (9 chips), and enjoyed every bite! Shortly after was time for me to serve the kids lunch. We had some leftover chili in the fridge (thank you Cheri), so I divvied it up for the kids and saw that there was a perfect (and healthy!) serving size left for me. So, that was lunch. I wondered how my stomach would do with so many beans, but the day went on just fine...UNTIL I hopped on the treadmill in the evening. After about 3/4 of a mile my stomach started to rumble. After exactly 1.082 miles I had to jump off the treadmill and run to the bathroom, which is where I spent the remainder of the evening...UGH!! It felt like the first morning of The Master Cleanse all over again (except this time it wasn't self-induced with a laxative)!

So, tomorrow is weigh-in #2. I definitely feel and see a difference this week, but I'm wondering if Aunt Flo will have some negative influence on the actual weigh-in. I know it's more how I FEEL than what the numbers say, so either way...

Off to have a healthy (non-bean-related) snack!!

Restaurants and Holidays Don't Have to End it All!

2010-05-09T13:20:00.003-04:00

The advice that some of you gave about eating out and being with other people was great. I think I am just so excited about all this and finally just feel READY to make changes in my lifestyle, that I have found eating at restaurants and being with friends not too tough. This weekend posed many challenges, and I believe I did pretty well. We went to stay with some friends this weekend, and the first thing we did was go out to Chili's to eat together. I was impressed with the choices of lower fat items, but NOT impressed that the things that were marked as healthy were those items that contain less than 750 calories and 25 grams of fat - that's the healthy stuff? Seriously? It's made me realize how HORRIBLY I normally would have eaten when I go there...endless chips and salsa, plus maybe some skillet queso (delish!), and a yummy meal that most definitely would NOT fall under the "healthy" choices. Plus, the molten lava cake is one of my favorite desserts ever so on a normal day I may hve splurged and gotten that or shared with Jon. But, I was impressed how yummy and satisfied I was with grilled chicken topped with pico de gallo, black beans, and steamed broccoli. I even took some home (ok, technically I left it at John and Leah's but that was my plan anyway)! I did enjoy one fried cheese stick, and about 3 chips with salsa. But, honestly, I have zero complaints!

The next day Jon and I went to see my dad graduate from Malone University with yet another Master's Degree - we are SO proud of his accomplishment! Of course, we went out to eat afterward to celebrate. My dad's choice was Texas Roadhouse, and it was a great place! My dad's been raving about their bread, so I did have one roll to start, but again I was able to easily make decent choices (on my own this time, as they did not have anything marked as healthier choices) and didn't feel like I over ate.

Oh, Happy Mother's Day, by the way! I have an amazing little family who made me cards and promises for a wonderful day and week to come. Jon even made me breakfast in bed, but made me healthy foods since he knows that's what I'm wanting these days. Isn't he just wonderful (I know, I talked all about it last time...)?! He made me a 3 egg white omelet with one slice of cheese (that was an unusual splurge), plus a small dish of organic, low-fat strawberry yogurt mixed with granola and dried fruit - YUMSTER! He's just so thoughtful! For lunch he made me a salad topped with my leftover grilled chicken from the roadhouse.

So, while the focus of our weekend was of course not about food, I felt like it has been a super fun weekend without any regrets of what I ate. That always feels good, doesn't it? I'm super excited about what's ahead. Our friend John has a degree in Exercise Science (I think that's what it's called), and he has a whole simple-to-do-at-home program he's setting up just for me that will get me the results I'm looking for in the most effective way. So...more on that later!!

Off to enjoy the rest of a very restful Mother's Day...

Weigh-In #1 and a Splurge!

2010-05-06T14:20:00.002-04:00

So far, so good. Yesterday was my first official weigh-in. and I was down 3.4 pounds for the first week. While naturally I would like to be down 10 pounds already, I suppose I am happy with 3.4. "They" say that 1-2 pounds lost per week is great, so I have a 1.4 pound bonus, I guess. Maybe as an American I am just so used to instant gratification - everything at my fingertips right when I want it. Maybe that's why, since I feel so excited about losing weight and eating healthy and exercising, that I want to just be done at the end of week 1. I suppose, though, that if that were the case, I would easily slip back into the old fashioned way of eating and not really exercising. If it takes 6 weeks or so, by that point I should have established new habits and it will just be "life" by then...with no weight gains once the goal is reached. Who knows. Either way, 3.4 pounds isn't bad.

I allowed myself some SUUUUper yummy ice cream last night. We went over to a friends house who was saving this half gallon of ice cream for when we came over. They'd gotten it in Columbus and brought it back in a cooler. It was well worth the wait, and well worth the splurge. That was some AMAZING ice cream! Tonight I am getting together with some friends and I'm sure there will be some not-so-healthy choices of delicious food. What to do, what to do?? I suppose I should go in with a plan. But what that plan will be, I don't yet know. Any suggestions??

I Love Jon - and Hair Elastics

2010-05-03T21:46:00.004-04:00

Why is it that I have such a difficult time believing Jon when he tells me I look good or that I am beautiful? I'm sure if he didn't mean it, he just wouldn't say anything, but since he's offering up the compliment on his own, I should just believe him. But still I doubt. How could he possibly - that's what I always wonder. Whether I choose to believe him or not (which I do try really hard to, although I have trouble accepting compliments as it is) I am married to an AMAZING, loving and supportive man. Awwww...isn't that sweet? For real, though. When I see so many relationships around me falling apart or under tons of strain, I thank God for giving me the perfect match for me. Not that there is never any strain, but in the big picture, I am BLESSED with having Jon in my life.

That's not even what I was thinking I was going to write about - it just came out. So, there's a shout out to Jon Austin for you all!! (For some more good stuff about Jon Austin, check him out here! ;))

I've been feeling good - good about eating well and being excited to eat well, and good about getting my exercise in regularly. While my apple shape is still tough to accept, I am at least happy to see a little bit of that clavicle returning...I love that bone! One thing I am looking forward to is being able to try on clothes in a dressing room and not want to throw up every time I put a different shirt onm or take the shirt off again, for that matter. Plus, what the heck, why is it that my booty and legs can look decent in a pair of jeans, but only jeans that I need an extra 4 inches around the waist...argh! And I REFUSE to wear maternity jeans...I didn't even do that when I was pregnant. Hair elastics work wonders - highly recommend those puppies!! ;)

I'm looking forward to Wednesday morning so I can see if I have lost a couple of pounds. I'll admit, I did an unofficial weigh-in this morning (go ahead and verbally spank me...I said it was UNofficial, ok?!), but since it was unofficial, I won't even mention any results.

In other news... I think Lily might be a baby genius (all parents know that about their children, obviously). She's almost 9 1/2 months now, and she has been saying "hi" for awhile. But, I swear, she tries to copy nearly everything we say. Jon heard her say "all done" tonight, which I was happy about because he was starting to think I was making stuff up each time I told Jon she was saying that. She has also copied "bottle", "up", "Daddy", "Momma" and even "necklace". She waves hi and na-night. Seriously, someone call the press - I have given birth to (an un-insane version of) Einstein!

BTW - keep up the voting at the top of the page, all you new readers. So far I am not at all surprised by the results!

It Is Time!!

2010-05-02T19:44:00.002-04:00

I wonder how long I can go on convincing myself that my extra baby baggage will just fall off my body on it's own, or that I will one day just get used to being unhappy when I look in the mirror - especially when I have nothing on! (Sorry to give an image to you wonderful readers!) A major part of my struggle with even talking about this is that I know when I'm parked next to some I look like I definitely need to shed some weight, and when I'm parked next to others I look nice and thin. I think regardless of who's around, it's about feeling good about yourself, and I believe that people of all shapes (I think I'm an apple shape) and sizes struggle with their self-image. Am I right? I don't know...(take the above poll so we can all see a little bit of what truth might be behind that.)

Anyway, for me it is time. It is time to take control of one of the very few things in life that we have control of. What I eat and how active I am. I am an athlete by nature, I think. I spent hours upon hours upon hours in the gym in high school and college practicing and playing volleyball - games, double sessions in pre-season, track or basketball between seasons, in the weight room in the summers, and the list goes on. No wonder I could eat whatever I wanted without noticing much change. (It's funny, though, that even then I wished I was smaller, or more comfortable in my own skin.) Then I graduated, got married, got pregnant pretty quick, and this once athletic body became nothing more than an incubator for four children. Now don't get me wrong, I do not for a single second regret having my kids...I worked hard for this body I have now!! And I will never tell my kids that it's their fault for the way I look or feel about myself. It's not. I have played on some club teams here and their, and was active in Kenya just from living life there (and was, in fact, at my ideal body weight when I lived there...lack of preservatives and crap food maybe??)

So, I started last week just being more conscious of what I'm eating and making sure I get on my treadmill on a regular basis. I really feel motivated this time, and I am looking forward to seeing some results. Here is what I am already doing:

* Being aware of what I am eating at meals.
* Waiting until I am hungry to eat.
* Making better choices about foods - healthier, no high fructose corn syrup, fruits and veggies, etc.
* Getting on the treadmill as many days as I have time for.
* Trying to drink 8 - 8oz. glasses of water each day.

I want to continue all of these things, along with weighing myself once a week (on Wednesday mornings), and keep track of my progress on here - kind of like a journal and kind of like an accountability partner...with ALL (2?) of you readers.

Starting weight (as of last Wednesday): 149.4
Goal weight: 130

And it's not just about weight. I want to FEEL good again. I want to be an athlete again...or at least be able to run on the treadmill for an extended period of time, or have tone arms and legs again. (I remember there was a day when I couldn't pinch fat under my arms...those days are long gone, but I wouldn't mind reclaiming them!)

So journey with me if you will...and if you're not hearing from me, let me know!! I need YOU to help keep me accountable! (But it's nice knowing this is a CHOICE that I have the POWER to make - and now is the time to make it!)

The Master Cleanse

2010-04-01T20:17:00.001-04:00

So, I am beginning The Master Cleanse tomorrow morning (well, technically tonight, I guess since the first laxative is taken the night before). I know a couple of friends have done this process of cleaning out the toxins in your body...anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, comments??? I will keep an update on how I am feeling - physically, emotionally...and with weight loss, too! Here's hoping the next 10 days are fast and that this process really works! :)

Leading By Example - Going, Serving, Loving, Giving

2010-03-01T14:18:00.002-05:00

Setting the scene: Caleb had one stuffed cat, and Hannah had another.
Johnny: Caleb, can I have that cat? I want to play with it.
Caleb: Well, Hannah has a cat, too. Maybe you can have hers. Hannah, will you let Johnny play with that cat now?
Hannah: NO!
Caleb: Please, Hannah? It would be really nice of you to share.
Hannah: NO!
Caleb: But Hannah, God really wants us to be nice to other people and to share what we have with them. Isn't that right, Mommy?
Me: I think that's exactly what God wants.
Caleb: That's what I'm trying to teach Hannah by having her give her cat to Johnny.
Me: Well, I think a better way of teaching Hannah how to share and to give to others is by showing her how to do that and giving Johnny YOUR cat.
Caleb: Hmmm....

This little interaction between myself and the kids was really precious to me. I loved that Caleb has the mindset of helping others, but it's cute to see his still-very-much five year old mind battling what he knows is right. But, I began to wonder, perhaps it's true that we all sort of have that still-very-much five year old mind. At that age, the world is all about them. But, honestly, does that ever really stop being what the world is about? Doesn't the world tell us to always go for bigger and better and more? Me, me, me...it's all about me.

I love the idea of the upside down Kingdom - that life just isn't about me. My money isn't my money, and my kids aren't even my kids. It's all my Father's and he has been gracious enough to lend me these things, so I can use them - in partnership with him - for His glory and His work.

I have to evaluate my life often, in terms of this conversation with Caleb. It's easy for me to say exactly what I think God wants of me, but am I really doing it, or just expecting others around me to do it? Am I really putting into action the characteristics of the Christ-follower that I am trying to be? Am I loving? Am I giving? Am I serving?

Just as I hope Caleb will learn to lead by example, I need to do the same. How can I expect my children to know how to serve and give and love our neighbors if I'm not doing it?

Thanks, Caleb, for reminding me of my call to action - my call to go, and serve and love and give. To be the hands and feet of Christ in this world...

Butterflies and Cars

2010-02-18T09:43:00.003-05:00

She loves stuffed animals, cars, butterflies and trucks. She says, "poo-poo" and gives the sweetest hugs and kisses (not at the same time). She cuddles and adores her baby sister, and wrestles with her brothers. She plays with trucks, baby dolls, strollers and lions. She reads books about Spiderman, cranky bears, shapes and animals. She dives off couches and climbs "mountains" with her brothers. She watches Dora, The Wiggles, Barney...well, anything, really. She is beautiful, smart, hilarious, fun and oh-SO-much more! She is my baby girl, and she is TWO today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY SWEET AND SILLY HANNAH! I LOVE YOU WAY, WAY, WAY MORE THAN I COULD EVER PUT INTO WORDS!!

The Itch

2010-02-03T14:19:00.006-05:00

No. I don't have some weird and creepy disease...sorry, no good gossip to be found here! I'm talking about this itch that I get every year to year and a half to get out of this country.

As many of you know, Lily and I had the incredible privilege of taking a 9 day trip to Scotland last month. (And if you were wondering why you missed out on this news, I kept it off of Facebook...reasons to be mentioned further down.) It makes me sad to know that Jon's entire family lives over there, and that there was a grandchild/niece/cousin that they hadn't met yet. So, we made the decision to go. The best part about it (and the reason I didn't mention it on FB) was that Jon's mom had no idea (well, maybe a small suspicion a while back) that we were coming. When Lily and I showed up to her birthday girls brunch, Jane (Jon's mom, and Lily's middle-namesake) was nearly shaking and got the goosebumps - I think she was excited to meet her newest grandchild!
We had an AMAZING time - truly.

Here are some thoughts on my time away:

~ Airplane restrooms have always seemed small to me, but never as small as on my flight to Amsterdam. I had to bring Lily in with me, fold down the "changing table", attempt to fit my head between the under-side of that table and the toilet and the proceed to vomit. It was quite a site! (I was anxious about flying alone with a baby...I'd gotten myself pretty worked up about it!)

~ Lily is absolutely the most perfect traveling baby to ever exist. She sucked her thumb and fell asleep on my shoulder on every flight. In all of the 30+ hours of travel time, she whimpered maybe twice for about 10 seconds. Amazing.

~ Amsterdam airport is a place I could sit all day long and people watch. It is a true melting-pot of so many of the cultures in our world. People are so beautiful - their clothing and hair and style; their language and expressions and attempts to communicate in a foreign country is magnificent to watch and listen to. I love it.

~ Scotland is incredibly gorgeous - even in the dead of winter. It is so green and hilly. There are still sheep roaming the hillsides. The old castle ruins, and castles still standing are breathtaking under their thin layer of fresh snow. The weather is mild and time at the coast still feels like vacation. And the sunsets...OH the sunsets! What a place!

~ The similarities between Jon and his parents are hysterical...down to Jon's dad hating to wash the silverware - just like Jon. And both Geoff and Jane searching frantically for keys, wallets and phone minutes after they should be out the door. (I say all this out of love, of course, Geoff and Jane!;))

~ No matter how many times I go to Britain, double-decker buses (even the school buses were...) and old-fashioned telephone booths will always be things I get excited to see. (Thanks Jaime and Jo for indulging my American tourist needs!)

~ As much as I would have loved having the rest of my family with me, it was great being there without Jon. Sounds bad, but what I mean is that every other time I've been there with Jon, as his wife...visiting because he wanted to see his family. (That's not actually true, but I can see how it could be perceived that way.) This time, I was able to be Angela...not Jon's wife...in Scotland visiting Jon's family because I chose to - because I wanted to. It was awesome to build relationships with Jon's family without him being there. I had a BLAST!!

"Confessions" of an Almost 29-Year-Old

2010-01-08T14:15:00.002-05:00

I don't like talking about myself - it makes me really uncomfortable. But, I was thinking of little tid-bits about who I am, and thought I would follow in the footsteps of my sister-in-law Betsy and write some "confessions". So, for no particular reason, here they are:

1. I really wish I was more motivated - to eat healthier, to exercise regularly, to be super hands-on with my kids, to play in the snow, to keep an amazingly clean house.

2. I really like the movie K-Pax. I may be the only one I know of who does.

3. I don't shower nearly as often as I probably should.

4. I hate it when I go to the restroom in a public place, and when I come out I have to look around like a big idiot for the person I'm with. I give Jon a place to stand and he knows he has to stay there, or I stress!

5. I would move to Africa tomorrow if I could (with my family, of course).

6. Caleb told me yesterday that my stomach looks stripey, little, and a little bit big.

7. Me and my brothers have matching scars on our stomachs from pyloric stenosis when we were babies. If I ever had "work done" on my stomach, I wouldn't let anyone touch that scar, cause I really like that we match.

8. Something that bugs me more than anythings else is someone who presents themselves as being "awesome" or better than everyone else...or someone that thinks they have all the answers. Grrrr.

9. The thought of chewing on a sock is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Why would anyone chew on a sock? I don't know, but let's just stop talking about it...it's giving me the heebie-jeebies.

10. Big Red gum gives me painful little bumps on my tongue that last forever. Other than that I really like Big Red - but I won't chew it anymore.

11. Someday I want to deliver babies in Africa. There's nothing in the world quite like child birth, and so many women there have no one to help them through it.

12. I have a really horrible memory. It's pretty frustrating, but maybe once I'm old enough I'll actually just forget that I have a bad memory and it won't frustrate me anymore.

13. My brother Dave and I both have numb areas on the left side of our backs. (Don't be concerned...our doctors have both found nothing to worry about.)

14. I'm really good at burping really loud. I hold it in most of the time - especially when the British side of my family is around! ;)

15. There are VERY few things in my life that I am proud of myself for, but one thing is giving birth to Johnny without any pain medication. Now, I know it's different for everyone, and some people can do that without much trouble, but it was HELL going through it for me, but I did it, and that makes me proud of myself. :)

Scattered Family Together

2009-12-10T15:40:00.005-05:00

The last 7 years or so have been crazy as far as family being all over the place. For starters, as most of you know, Jon's family is ALL in Scotland, which means we are able to see them so rarely...it's sad. But even the Scott side is all over the place. We've been in Boston, Philly, Kenya and now Ohio. My brother Mark and his family were near us in Boston until we moved away, and they've just recently moved to Texas. My other brother Dave and his family moved to California just after we got married, and then came to Ohio with us for awhile, then headed back to California and are now heading off to France to the mission field for two years. So, we are one scattered family. We had the amazing privilege of all of us being together over the Thanksgiving holiday...and with Dave and Betsy and JJ being in France for 2 years, and with Jon having NO vacation time for this first year, who knows when we'll all be together again. I LOVE my family so much, and tried to squeeze every minute out of my time with them as possible...including a couple of airport mishaps! Anyway, here are a few pictures of our time together...

My brother Dave with Hannah - playing with her new doll house blocks:

My brother Mark and Cyndi with the pile of kids:

We celebrated JJ's (4) and Caleb's (5) birthdays together:

Johnny, JJ, Hannah and Caleb watching a video together:

Lily and her older cousin (by 10 days) Aaron sharing some time on the bouncer:

Grandpa reading to Hannah and cousin Christian:

Jon and his little girls:

Me with my sister-in-law Cyndi:

And my other sister-in-law Betsy:

We had an awesome time celebrating both Thanksgiving and Christmas together. Hopefully it's not TOO long before we're all together again!

The Busy Life...

2009-09-17T14:37:00.010-04:00

It's hard to believe that Lily is nearly two months old now, and I haven't posted a single thing about her - no pictures or updates or anything! (Poor fourth child...I'll blame it on being BUSY!)

Lily Jane is an AMAZING baby! We have been blessed to have four very easy babies - no colic, good sleepers, easy going. Lily is no exception to this. She pretty much sits around happy all day. She sleeps a lot, eats every three hours and is just a great baby! Now that she's eight weeks old, she's doing a lot of smiling and starting to coo and jabber some. It's amazing how even after four kids, that just doesn't get old!

So, life is pretty busy, it seems. Jon is back to work now - as a sales rep. for an office supply company - so it's back to me being alone with the kiddos all day. His unemployment was perfect for me. When I was sick, he could be with the kids. When I was huge and exhausted, he could be with the kids or cook dinner. When Lily was on oxygen, he was around to tote her and her tanks around, change her tubes and tape - it was all such a blessing! But now it's me...from about 7:30am until 8:00pm (well, Jon gets home around 5:30), plus the night time feedings. It's a pretty tiring "job", but - as cliche as it is - I wouldn't change it for anything! I actually enjoy the challenge of getting them all fed, dressed, out the door and into the car...just to get out of the car, load the girls into the stroller and bring the boys into school. (Then I do it all again to pick them up a few hours later.) It has it's stressful and frustrating moments FOR SURE, but for the most part I really enjoy it. (It's also fun to see the look on people's faces when I'm out with four kids under five in public! People think I'm nuts - and I probably am!)

Here are a few pics of Lily and her older siblings over the last couple months...

Lily in the hospital when she was still on her oxygen

Hannah loves her little sister! She still just calls her "Baby".

Johnny is always concerned when Lily cries - he takes SUCH great care of her!

Caleb loves being the biggest - he looks out for Lily and the others.

Daddy's little lady Lily.

My Baby doll.

One big happy family!

Such a sweetie-pie!

Yup, I think we'll keep her! ;)

Lily Update

2009-07-24T17:19:00.000-04:00

A little background: The second day of Lily's life we noticed that she would turn VERY bright pink and sometimes almost purple when she got worked up. This was due to a lack of oxygen circulating her body. Her oxygen was only about 80% of what it should be. A local specialist was called in to observe her and today has given us a diagnosis.

Looks like Lily will be in the record books. Lily's condition is called 'transient isolated right-sided myocardial hypertrophy'.

There are only two kids who have been recorded as having this in the past. We have the medical article if anyone is interested...

Basically, Lily's right ventricle was working harder than it should have been, pumping blood from Lily's heart to Angela's uterus - this was due to some kind of constriction in the opposite artery. Because of this overwork, the right ventricle has a mass of muscle material that is not supposed to be there. In the two recorded occurrences of this condition, with the correct treatment, the muscle mass had returned to normal by 8 weeks allowing the correct flow of oxygen around the body.

So...Lily will remain in the hospital here for another couple of days while she is slowly weaned from oxygen. It is highly probable that we will have to take oxygen home with us to continue Lily's recovery. But it's good news overall. A good diagnosis and a fairly simple treatment plan. All being well, we should see Lily returning to normal over the next days and weeks.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - we love you all very much.

KT

2009-07-14T15:40:00.006-04:00

Oh, where to begin about my dear friend Katie...

Way back when, in elementary school, Katie and I were friends - sort of. I have this memory of going to her house for one of her pool parties when we were kids...I don't really remember who else was there, but I have a clear memory of being shoved off of her diving board by whoever was behind me in line and falling off and scraping my back really bad. I think it was a diving board lined with a bunch of tiny stones, and I'm pretty sure a bunch of them embedded themselves into my back. Now, for whatever reason, I don't have much of a memory of being friends with Katie after that until High School...I think I've blocked her out of my mind to protect my sanity! I may need counseling to recall those in between times...

But in high school - at some point - Katie and I became friends again, and this time we were best friends! Most of my rebellious moments of my younger days happened with my best friend Katie - the drinking and smoking, the 'shrooms (dad, did you know about me doing that??), the boys, the parties. Now, maybe this makes her sound like a bad friend, but it was quite the opposite. I knew I was safe with Katie. She looked out for me - I looked out for her.

I wish I could find pictures of this story - I know I have them somewhere...It was our junior or senior year, I forget, when KISS 108 (the radio station) was having their annual concert and Katie and I were sure we were going to be there! We were supposed to make a sign and hang it up outside our house and then Randy, the DJ, would come to our house, check out our sweet sign and give us tickets to the concert. Well, we took this VERY seriously. We used a sheet and worked for hours and hours using paints (which stained my kitchen floor) and bumper stickers to decorate this sign. We really did it up! We hung that masterpiece from my second story windows, and it filled up almost the entire front of the house. We sat on the hood Katie's car, playing only KISS 108 music of course, and waited and waited and waited for so many hours for Randy to show up...and, well, he never did. So much for the concert - but we had a great time making that poster! I would have given us tickets if I was Randy the DJ! His loss!

I went to college in the same town I went to high school in, so I saw plenty of Katie my freshman year. The summer after that I really screwed things up with Katie. I got into a car accident that summer which gave me a different outlook on life - I realized that I was just screwing up my life and not taking it seriously. I was calling myself a Christian, but had no concept of what that meant. I was quite the hypocrite. So, when I 'turned my life around' that summer, I totally left Katie in the dust. I became this panicky Christian...I stopped drinking altogether (which was fine, as I was underage anyway), broke up with my boyfriend at the time and stopped talking to any of my high school friends because I thought they would think I was a big dork for really being a Christian now. I turned my back on my best friend.

For a long time things were really weird between the two of us. I didn't know what to talk about when we did talk or what to do when we did actually get together. I felt like she tested me a lot, and I deserved it! Things went on really weird like that for a number of years. I forgot how to be her friend, and I hated that! I thought about that and about her a lot!

One of my very favorite things about Katie is that she never gave up on me. She came to my volleyball games in college, she was there when I got married, she was there right after I gave birth to Caleb, and she came to see me in Philly after I had Johnny. (see pictures below) She was a faithful friend even when I was a big, hypocritical screw-up.

I want to say right here and right now to Katie, because I never said it very well...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way that I treated you, and for forgetting how to be your friend. I'm sorry if you ever felt like I judged you, or looked down on you - I never did. I have ALWAYS loved you and appreciated you and the friend that you have been to me. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Katie just got married last month in Boston and Jon and I were so excited to be able to make the drive to be there with her and for her. It was amazing for me to watch my beautiful friend walk down the aisle, with a huge smile on her face, towards the man that she loves. It is awesome to see her so happy. Below are a few pictures of she and I on her wedding day - in a photo booth, which was an awesome idea!!

Well, Katie, I love you and I'm incredibly happy for you. I'm also happy to still be your friend all these years later, even after all I put you through. NOW, let's see some pictures of your sweet shirts! ;)

My Final Pregnancy

2009-07-11T14:13:00.009-04:00

It's a mix of emotions knowing that this is the last time that I will EVER be pregnant! Some of you may be thinking, "Yeah, whatever. I've heard that from them before. She'll have more!" Well, not so, my friends, not so. This time I'm getting my tubes tied, and it is permanent!! That's a very strange feeling. It's a move I am completely certain that I am ready to make, however it is a strange idea to have my child bearing abilities completely taken away from me. After all, I'm only 28! On the other hand, both of these last two babies and have been surprises. While we could not be more excited, we certainly weren't planning on 4 kids. So, I must admit that I am incredibly happy to be nearing the end of this pregnancy stage of life. In the last 5 years I have been pregnant for 3 full years, and my body has been completely destroyed - specifically my belly region, of course. My body has been so many different sizes, that I'm still hanging onto outdated and grungy clothes from college just because I haven't given myself the reason or opportunity to shop for new clothes - I just keep going and getting pregnant again! But not this time, people! When Lily is born (in just 11 days!) I will begin my process of reclaiming my body and losing weight, knowing FOR SURE that I won't get pregnant again, and then maybe one day I will be able to bring myself to spend a few bucks on some new clothes.

As well as my weight having its ups and downs, this pregnancy has also had its emotional ups and downs. I had a sneaky suspicion that I was pregnant, but after a negative at home test I assumed I was wrong. When no period came some days later, I bought another test, and this time got different results. This news came at the height of Jon's unemployment, when he was struggling with that the most. He REALLY had a hard time with the news of another baby - or another mouth to feed, as he saw it at first. But, even by the end of that first day of knowing, Jon's heart had changed and a small glimpse of excitement began to show. I struggled the worst through the first trimester with sickness - getting sick well over 30 times. I was pretty miserable, but at that point I was PRAISING GOD that Jon was unemployed and could be with the kids when all I could do was lay in bed. The 2nd trimester was fantastic. We found out we were having a girl, decided on a name and could completely picture our Lily as another member of our beautiful (yeah, I'm allowed to say that!) family! We would look around the table and picture our two little boys and two little girls. And still, we can't imagine a more perfect family for us! We only continue to get more and more excited as the day draws closer to meeting her!

Will I miss being pregnant? Um, let me think...NO! I will NOT miss the morning sickness, and I will NOT miss the comments from untactful people. I will NOT miss how GINORMOUSLY I carry my babies...it's just the way I carry, and it's awful! I will NOT miss my nasty, peeling hands, or my horribly red splotchy face! The one and only thing I will miss is feeling a baby move inside my belly. It is the single most amazing thing I have ever experienced - knowing that there is a human life growing and developing and wiggling and playing inside my body...MIRACULOUS! And that feeling has never ever gotten old - even in my 4th pregnancy!

I LOVE my children with the deepest of loves that is so unexplainable. I could nearly squish the life out of them with all the hugs and kisses and squeezes that I have for them. I am excited to have one more baby to feel this way about! It's amazing that a parent doesn't have to divide their love among all the children, but rather there is just MORE love that appears for the next child. It blows my mind, really! Being a parent is the greatest 'job' in the world, and I thank God for my four wonderful children, and for my amazing husband, the Daddy of my kids.

Here are some pregnant and baby pictures...don't be scared by my huge belly, and yes, I only ever had one baby at a time!

8 1/2 Months Pregnant with Caleb:

Newborn Caleb:

8 Months Pregnant with Johnny:

Newborn Johnny:

8 Months Pregnant with Hannah:

Newborn Hannah:

8 Months and 1 Week Pregnant with Lily:

I know we all carry differently, but you have to admit, I carry pretty large!! And these pictures aren't even from 9 months pregnant! This is one of the main reasons that I am just done being pregnant. I am SO uncomfortable for the entire last trimester! And I have big kids...Caleb was 5 days late and weighed 9 lbs. 6 ozs. Johnny was 6 days late and weighed in at 9 lbs. 13 ozs. Hannah was a c-section and was born 5 days early at 8 lbs. 12 ozs. Lily will be a c-section 6 days early, and I am pretty curious to know what she will weigh - they tell me she's a decent size and has a big head! :)

So, that's that - my final pregnancy. Even ending this post seems strange...my last pregnancy post. I guess I'll just end it...

I FINALLY Let Them Paint!!

2009-07-07T14:29:00.005-04:00

My confession: My oldest child is 4 1/2 years old, and...I have never let him or Johnny paint! Can you believe that? It's not that I don't WANT them to - no, no, no! I love when they come home from church or school or Grandma's house with beautiful pieces of painted artwork that they created themselves. They're amazing artists! But, the thought of getting out the paint has just always caused me stress. (Kinda like kids and spaghetti sauce - STRESS!!) So, today, for whatever reason, I got out the finger paints that have been sitting in their spot for over a year, and let them have a go on a spare piece of wall board. They had SO much fun! And, whattaya know? I wasn't stressed at all! It was great! Here are some pictures from their fun painting morning...

Maybe we can even do this again sometime! ;)

The Johnny Show (for you, Bets!)

2009-05-27T13:38:00.003-04:00

For at least a year now, Johnny has performed what we like to call "The Johnny Show". Typically this is a two minute long episode of making faces and posing in strange positions to get people to laugh. Well, last week while at his Grandma and Grandpa's house, he was the first one awake from a nap and decided to give me (his mommy), and Grandma a special and super long edition of the Johnny show. Captured in this video is just over two minutes of what went on for about 20 minutes. And, I promise, he was not on any drugs or anything else. He was just doing his thing...performing "The Johnny Show". Hope you are as entertained as we were!

Johnny has always been the one with the incredible sense of humor - even from a young age. He has a way of making people laugh, and it just seems to come so naturally to him. He's such a hoot! Below are a couple photos of his Johnny show faces, but they sure don't compare to that video...

Being two years old (and as stubborn as a mule - that's the expression, right?), Johnny sure does give us a hard time. To be honest, not a day goes by that I don't consider throwing him out the window. Okay, that might be a little extreme, but we do have our moments every day. But then, when the Johnny show begins, it's like all else is forgotten. He brightens up our days with his beautiful smile and amazing sense of humor. He really is a great kid who absolutely LOVES life - and who makes our lives so much more colorful. I love my Johnny Stephen :)

Caleb: Creative and Climbing

2009-05-14T20:23:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was the first of what will be many school art shows that we attended for Caleb. We were incredibly proud of him!! It took him a very long time to decide he wanted to create actual shapes and objects when he drew or colored. He was a scribbler for so long. I almost began to wonder if he was ever going to be physically capable of drawing a person or coloring in the lines. Now, I know abstract art is beautiful, and I very much appreciate that. But, I was wondering if he had the patience in him to sit down and draw a real object. Eventually he did, and we were so proud of him! (We were proud of him before that, but...you know what I mean!) So, yesterday when we got to attend his art show - which he was SUPER proud of - we got to see a few examples of his amazing creativity, his abstract work, and his ability to draw objects and pictures. Here are a few pictures from the event...

All the kids in his class worked together to make this class quilt
These are his teachers, Miss Kreiger and Mrs. Watson - he loves them!
We've never seen him draw a scene like this - we LOVED it!
Scrap Box Art
"Beautiful Bug"

Aside from being artistically creative, he has also become quite talented in the art of climbing and jumping. Johnny's new bed is a car bed, complete with a sun roof. Both boys love climbing to the top and finding the most fun way back down. Caleb's favorite way of getting down is by jumping from the top of Johnny's car half way across the room onto his own bed, nearly cracking his head on the ceiling along the way. He literally looks like a flying squirrel when he does this. I need to get some pictures! :) Also, we have a tree outside in our front yard, and over the past year he has gotten braver and braver as he watches the bigger kids head up to the top. Yesterday was the highest he's ever climbed, and he was pretty thrilled about it. He made it up to the same height as his buddy Jameer, who is a super climber. Here are a couple pictures of them way up high...(and Johnny down a but lower)
I came home from running some errands today without the kids, and when I got inside, Jon said he had something to tell me, and proceeded to say that he was glad I hadn't been home because I would have freaked out. So, I'm wondering what happened, of course. Jon said Teddy, one of the kids from next door ran over and said, "Caleb's on the roof!" When Jon asked him if he meant on top of their little play house, Teddy said no, and pointed to the back yard. Apparently Jon got to the back and found Caleb perched - with Jameer - on top of the garage roof, throwing leaves and sticks down into the yard. He said Jameer taught him how to climb onto the wagon, scale the 6 foot fence and proceed up to the roof of the garage. Well, Jon was right, I was glad I wasn't home to see that. I'm proud of him for having the guts to do such a thing, but...oh boy!! I guess that's what having an adventurous kid is all about. Hopefully it will be a LONG TIME before I have to blog about one of the kids' first broken bones. Oh, and I don't have any pictures of him on the roof, sorry!

Picture Update

2009-05-05T13:27:00.006-04:00

Has it seriously been over a month? Well, it's time for some sort of update. I'll just post some pictures from the past month or so, and give a small glimpse of what's been happening. Enjoy! :)

Easter was so much fun!

We spent the weekend with my parents, AND my cousin Beth and her hubby Drew. We were so glad they made the trip to visit. They're our Kenya buddies!

I had to take a 6 month picture at the end of last month. Can you tell I just rolled out of bed? And yes, it is 7:26 AM - ugh!

Silly kids...

Our dear friends, Meghan and Jeremy and their kids Brayden, Brooklyn and Brenna stopped in for a few hours on their road trip back to Boston. It was SO nice to be with them. We're pretty sure the kids had fun together.

Johnny has been getting ready for his new baby sister Lily to come along. He's so sweet!
Caleb has been wanting to pick out his clothes a lot more - especially for school. We let him. At least he's color coordinated!!
Dave, Betsy and JJ were here for a weekend visit from California. We LOVED having them back, and the boys once again enjoyed bathing together.

We're not ashamed...we LOVE kisses! :) Hannah and Mommy
Caleb kissing Hannah
Johnny kissing his girlfriend Lily
And I just had to throw this one in...I love her eyes!

Well, that's gonna do it for now. Hopefully soon I will post something of more substance. But, pictures are always nice, right? :)

As A New Day Dawns

2009-04-03T15:02:00.003-04:00

I'm not often a "mushy-gushy" spiritual person, but I'm kind of at that point where I feel like I'm bursting at the seams with amazement about how God has just changed me. I mentioned a bit about this in a recent post, but I almost expected by now it would all be gone, that it would have dwindled away. Says a lot about me, huh? Well, it's not gone...I am still in awe, every day, of God's amazing faithfulness and I just had to say a little something about it - it's so simple!

The talk in my MOPS group a few weeks back was how to have a happy home. The woman said that as the wife and mother, we are "the heartbeat of our home". She also suggested some things that, frankly, were a bit old fashioned sounding to me but this one statement keeps coming back to me. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but as I see the days go by, I see such truth in it.

Among other things, she suggested that we be the first ones awake in our home, to set the pace and the tone for the day. (She also suggested having a hot breakfast ready each morning, but...sorry, folks, that ain't happenin'!) She also said a simple prayer that can be said when you first wake up - just to start the day with God. Now, I am NOT typically a morning person. Nearly every day I would wake up almost angry that my kids would come in at 6:30 and wake me from my precious sleep. How could they? Don't they know I need my sleep, and that I have to be with them all day? My attitude was terrible, and it set the tone for the rest of my day. I would be snappy with the kids and with Jon. I would yell at the kids unnecessarily, and take things out on them that they didn't deserve. I would look around my house and feel so overwhelmed with all that needed to be done that I would do nothing instead, which would just increase my stress for the next day. Things were not looking good, and I didn't even realize it.

The morning after my MOPS group, I decided to put that one simple suggestion into practice. I often DO wake up around 6, before the kids, but typically I try and go back to sleep, because I just feel like it must be too early to rise. That morning, however, when I woke up at 6, I took a few minutes then turned on my little lamp. I sat up in bed, and wrote just a few simple lines in my journal as a prayer to thank God for this new day, and to invite Him to be in charge of this day. For HIS will to be done in my words and thoughts and actions. It was just instantly a beautiful morning. I was still and happy and awake, and guess what? I got up and made "melt-in-your-mouth" pancakes for the family! Other mornings I will get up and shower, or spend time with whoever wakes up first. It's been truly amazing!!

And can I just say that the statement about me being the heartbeat of my home has really proven itself! EVERYONE in the house has changed! My relationship with Jon is at a high. The kids are happier and better behaved. Jon really notices a difference in my caring for the house, and now seems to almost want to help out sometimes. Things are just really good! There have been a couple of days where I didn't wake up first, or didn't spend those few moments in prayer, and I can absolutely see the difference in the day.

I feel like I could go on and on about this simple notion. I won't. But what I will do is HIGHLY recommend this simple action for those of you who aren't typically morning people. Whether you have kids or not, this could be incredibly useful. Don't let needy or whiny kids, or the annoying alarm clock set the tone of your day. YOU set it by waking up and inviting God to be in charge of your day. I literally felt like I was going insane every day - barely making it through. Now that this simple secret of partnering with God as my first action of the day has found me, my sanity has returned and everyone in my house is benefiting from it. So, give it a try and let me know what you think!

Below is one of my favorite and the most simple of Jon's songs. It's beautiful and prayerful and I want to sing it every morning...and I do many mornings. Some day when I figure it out, I can attach the song to the blog, but until then, here are the lyrics.

"As a new day dawns
I will lift my eyes to Your throne.
May this new day
Be a sacrifice pleasing to You.

May this day honor You.
May the words of my mouth honor You.
May the thoughts in my mind honor You.
May my life, now, honor You."

DELICIOUS Dessert!!!

2009-03-30T13:57:00.002-04:00

Do you like a nice, gooey brownie? Perhaps some peanut butter? Maybe some marshmallows, and the crunch of Rice Crispies? Then this one is for you! A mom in my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group made these, and though she didn't have a recipe, she kinda mentioned what she did, so I did my best, and the result was AMAZING! It's super simple and great for any occasion!!

What you need:

1 box brownie mix (I use Betty Crocker Fudge Brownie mix)
1/2 bag of mini marshmallows
1/2 stick of butter
12 oz. bag of semi-sweet chocolate morsels
Approx. 1 cup peanut butter (no need to really measure it out - just 2 big globs)
2 cups Rice Crispies

What you do:

* Make brownies in a 13x9 pan as directed.
* With 5 minutes cooking time remaining, take out brownies and cover evenly with the marshmallows.
* Return to oven and bake another 7 minutes. (that's 7, not 5)
* In a medium saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add and melt (stir continuously) chocolate chips.
* Stir in peanut butter til blended
* Stir in Rice Crispies (will be thick and tough to stir).
* When brownies are done, top marshmallows with 6 globs of chocolate mixture, and spread over and through marshmallows. It can and will look messy - just try to make all ingredients even over the whole thing.
* Refrigerate til ready to serve. (Not necessary, but a lot yummier, I think!) I refrigerated my last batch overnight, then took them out and cut them a couple hours before serving, and they were great!

Good luck and ENJOY!! Oh, and they are fat free (haha, yeah right!)

I'm Back - with a complete life update!

2009-03-24T14:02:00.007-04:00

How many excuses can I give for why it's been so long since I've blogged? Procrastination, sick kids, life issues...the list could go on. But, here I am. I'm back. And we've all been back - from Scotland for three weeks now. I can't believe it's been that long already! It seems like a lot has happened in those three weeks, though...

Sick kids. Oh boy! Well, all three kids came home with ear infections and conjunctivitis. They were all on anti-biotics - Caleb did well, Hannah got some nasty, 'need-a-prescription-for-this' diaper rash, and Johnny broke out in a full body rash (see picture). I guess we found our first allergy! Also, Johnny got the 24 hour stomach virus during the other sicknesses, which was terrible!! We shipped off the other two kids to Grandma's for a day and night so we could focus on helping Johnny get through it. And, he did, but not before Jon caught the bug. A few days later Caleb started complaining about headaches, neck pain and an achy body. I was convinced he had bacterial meningitis, but we stuck it out for a couple days before freaking out, then took him to the doctor who assured us it was just viral symptoms, and it's just the time of year for it all. Phew! So, aside from Hannah being on diaper rash medication, we are all healthy and well again.

Onto life issues... Well, for as long as I can remember I have struggled with self-image, self-esteem, negativity and identity problems. And while I still don't know who I am and what I'm gonna be when I grow up, God has truly freed me from some of my negativity and concerns. It had hit a pretty major low just last week, but after talking with Jon and another friend who gave some simple suggestions, and after my MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers) group, and after the start of the new sermon series at New Hope (all three timed perfectly, I must add...God, was that you??), I feel a new freshness about each day. I'm feeling less overwhelmed and so much more in control of my life and my situations. I am in the process of making a list of things about myself and my life that I can change when I partner with God, knowing that 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. So, I'm giving life a thumbs up these days! (Thanks for hearing me out about my personal struggles in life - we're all human, right?! Oh, and that's me recording in Phil's attic studio.) So hopefully no more procrastinating and being lazy with blogging...we'll see.

Also in the latest news, Jon turned 29 yesterday. He's a bit concerned about how close to 30 that is, but, we all know he's still a young-un. (How would you spell that??) This new American citizen has a fresh outlook on life, as well, and is excited about the future. While still unemployed, he's got his application in some places, and has some ideas for down the road. We shall see where the good Lord leads...and we know that He always does lead, so that's reassuring! In the meantime, Jon's doing some work on our friend's new house, which he loves doing. He's also working on getting his CD together, which should be available sometime soon. For a sneak peek at one of the songs, check out newhopejourney.com and see what you think!

It turns out I'm already 5 months pregnant with this amazing baby #4. Boy, how time flies! It's amazing to feel our little GIRL (for those who didn't know) wiggling around and kicking me in the gut or the ribs. That is a feeling that just never gets old - I LOVE it! The babe's name is Lily or Lilly...we haven't decided if there will be one 'l' or two 'l's' in the middle yet, but at least we know the name. We're almost set on a middle name, too, but since it isn't 100% we won't share it just yet. It's amazing how I can be in love with little Lily (Lilly) already, and she's just 11 inches long and I have no idea what she's like or looks like. I guess that's one of the miracles of parenthood!

Well, while we had an AMAZING time with Jon's family in Scotland, we are happy to be home, and are pleased the weather has improved so we can be outside a lot more! HAPPY SPRING, everyone! :)

(This is a picture of Hannah with her little buddy Lily from next door.)

Home Sweet Home

2009-03-05T15:39:00.011-05:00

'Scotland 2' just never seemed to happen...so we'll tie it all together now that we are home. We left a CD with a lot of our photo's on in Scotland, so we'll have to post some more photo's another time...

We had a GREAT time. It was wonderful to see family and old friends - some that I haven't seen for about 12 years since I left home. We visited the church that I grew up in and took a quick drive around my old neighborhood to show Ang the house we lived in till I was 17. I had forgotten how beautiful Scotland is...or possibly just never appreciated because it was all I really knew. Scotland is truly a beautiful country. This pic is of Stirling Castle.

We spent most of our time at my parents house in Saltcoats on the south-west coast of Scotland. My dad currently pastors a church there. They live in a house right on the sea with incredible views of Arran (a mountainous island) and the Firth of Clyde. They let us borrow one of their cars - if it was just me and Ang, we took the Smart Car - what a sweet car. We laughed every time we returned to the parking lot...it's small - very small.

We spent a week in Perth staying with Jaime and Phil (Sister and Bro-in-law) where we had the opportunity to record some music with Phil. Phil is an incredible musician and sound engineer and helped us to produce a sound which I am truly amazed at. Thanks Phil! Hopefully the CD will be complete in a couple of weeks after it has all been mixed and mastered. At some point it will be available to everyone if anyone is interested :) These pics are nephews David and Daniel, niece Leah, and our three.

My parents offered to look after the kids for a couple of days so that Ang and I could get away on a 'real' vacation. We found a great airline called Ryan Air who fly out of the local airport to destinations all over Europe. It was sooooo cheap to fly! We ended up choosing Spain as I have an Aunt and Uncle there who I have not seen since I left home. It was great to spend some time with them as an adult (instead of being the adolescent nephew), and they treated us to free accommodation and most of our meals. Thanks Irene! Along with our $60 round trip flights, this made for a fantastic, CHEAP, vacation. These are pics of downtown Malaga which has an incredible bull fighting arena. Spain was warm and beautiful...

It was also great to be able to celebrate Hannah's first birthday with my family, since they have always been so far away for the kids' birthdays. We had a little party for her at my parents' house, and the rest of the family made the journey to celebrate with us. It made for a wonderful last day in Scotland. Happy Birthday, Hannah!!

Truly an incredible month. Flying was difficult with three kids as I'm sure you can imagine. I think it will be a while before we do it again...as we will have four kids soon! It was a blessing in disguise to be recently out of work so that we could take a whole month to go. This is Robert the Bruce (Ang) storming Stirling Castle...

So now that we are home, life will slowly get back to 'normal'. The job search continues. Being back home in Ohio makes us realize how much we love living here. Not for Ohio (by any means), but for the friends and family that we have here. We are so happy that God placed us here, and continue to feel completely assured that this is where God wants us for now - unemployed and all...

Oh yeah, I became a U.S. citizen today. A subject for another day...

And, we find out tomorrow whether our new one is a boy or a girl - CRAZY!

Scotland 1 - Catch Up Post

2009-02-10T05:50:00.005-05:00

It's hard to sum up our time so far here in Scotland. I have been putting off blogging about the trip - partly because I've wanted to have pictures to post with it, and partly, well, I'm not sure why.

Our trip here went so much better than I expected - better than past trips. We flew from our time zone west to Chicago. We found out the London Heathrow airport was closed due to snow for the first time in 20 years...lucky us - so our flight was cancelled. We were re-routed to Amsterdam. We spent about 6 hours in Chicago at their play place (thank God for it!), then hopped on a long flight (on which Johnny threw up) through 7 time zones to Amsterdam. We were there just a couple hours then headed back one more time zone to Glasgow. The kids traveled so well, and we were actually fairly sane upon arrival. They managed to only have 2 of our 4 suitcases, but the others arrived the next day. Only 3 days in the same clothes and greasy hair - not bad!

It's been wonderful to spend so much time with Jon's parents. We certainly don't get to see them often enough. On top of how great it is to see them, there is the most amazing view from their home. They live right on the sea, with a mountainous island called Arran just across the sea. Every night holds the most amazing sunset you can imagine - and it can all be seen just by looking out their front room window. Spectacular!

We've met some great people, too! We took a drive down the coast a bit and ended up at the home of their friends, Geoff and Carol - some of the most welcoming people I have ever met. The seven of us just sort of showed up unexpectedly, and we were invited in for tea - and even to stay for dinner. Jon was given some amazing (and what would be very expensive in the states) scotch, too. This was also the most eccentric family I have ever met. Hard to explain, really. They looked quite overgrown and ratty, in some ways. You'd think that perhaps they didn't have much money to live on...until you walked out to their driveway and saw the car they own. I don't know anything about cars, but this corvette was a beauty! The engine was perfect and shiny and new. I wish I knew how to explain that part, too. Turns out that Geoff is an inventor, and he works for the government coming up with all sorts of technology for them. Right now he is working on some x-ray machine for the airport. And, he does all this in his unlocked wooden nearly falling down shed in their back yard. We really need to just go back and take a picture of this place...

We also have spent some time withe upstairs neighbors, David and Min. David came down to play cards one night, and we just had such a great time. He is a recovering addict, clean for like 19 years now, and he is just full of life. It was so much fun. It was great to see Jon's parents get along so well, and just love and accept their neighbors for who they are...doesn't matter that they aren't 'church goers'. The next day, I went with David and Jane (Jon's mum) to a craft show where Min was selling her glass beads that she makes. It was great to see some more of Scotland, but also to go and support these friends. (She is an amazing bead maker!) We roamed around the town, looking in shops and enjoying each other's company and conversation over lunch.

Right now we are in Perth where Jon's sister Jaime and her family live. The whole family is here (well, actually they are all at the pool, and I am home with a sleeping Hannah - she's a bit sick.) It's great to see where his sister's and their beautiful families live. All the cousins are having a blast together. There are 7 cousins under 5. It's crazy and busy, but very exciting! We love being altogether.

Jon will begin recording his CD next week, and he is SO excited! So is Phil, his brother-in-law. Hopefully he'll have lots of songs to bring home, and a CD will soon come together.

That pretty much sums it up for now. Oh yeah, we did go to Erskine where Jon grew up. We went to his old church, saw his old high school and primary school, and even the house he lived in for so many years. He loved showing us around!

Hopefully soon we can get more pictures to post. We are taking them, so eventually you will see them. Know that we miss you and love you and hope that you all are well.

The Man is the CEO

2009-01-27T09:35:00.003-05:00

As a couple of friends have recently blogged about the role of women in the church, the workplace and the home, I thought I would share a story, and see what you thought.

A little while back I was visiting a stay-at-home mom friend for the day with my kids. I was there pretty early in the morning - before her husband left for work - and was planning to stay through dinner. It was going to be a fun day of chatting as moms in similar life situations, and watching our kids play with each other, which didn't happen often enough. I sure wasn't thinking much about cleaning and cooking that day. It was just gonna be fun and relaxing.

The husband came downstairs ready for work. He kissed his kids good-bye, kissed my friend good-bye, and headed for the door. He turned around just before his final exit and said to my friend, "Oh, and I expect the house to be clean by the time I get home." I laughed out loud, thinking it was a joke. I was the only one laughing (woops!), and my friend said lovingly and with a smile, "Okay, honey." Oh, okay. Was that for real? I guess it was.

What I had thought was a joke was not meant to be funny at all. That was just the way it worked in their house. While my friend is in charge of keeping the house, she's sort of just the manager while her husband is the CEO of the home. I understand that this is the way some families work, but I was surprised to find myself in the middle of that.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

Caleb's Castle Stories

2009-01-10T19:50:00.003-05:00

Back in October, Caleb was really into the movie Shrek. He also enjoys writing stories, so he had a couple to write about castles. Here they are...oh, and they are best read aloud and with a British accent.

THE CASTLE
Nobody's allowed to get out of the castle. They are locked in there forever. Nobody is gonna come and rescue them. Everyone is locked in their homes. I love them to be locked in there forever. The Prince Truth is to give a kiss to Princess Fiona. I love them to be a prince - Princess Fiona. The dragon will blow fire and smoke out of his mouth and nose and ears. He would think that he would kill everybody. If it was true love, they would give a kiss to the castle birds. To think that they won't have anything to eat or drink, or to go outside and ride their bikes and strollers. I love them to be out of there now - to give a kiss to everybody, and a hug!

THE END

THE CASTLE (#2)
This is a river and the castle is on top of it. Nobody is allowed to get out. The thing is, that if somebody would kiss somebody else, or a hug, it would be true love. By then a big rainstorm bug came in and something new came out of his ears, and it was a frog. If true love would kiss a Cheerio, it would give a hug to the true love. If they kiss a dragon, they would kiss a frog. This is a really silly story. If they kiss paper, they would kiss a cup of water. If true love would kiss a paper, then true love would kiss a wallet ticket. True love would kiss a Cheerio box, and a sock. It's a really...silly...story.

THE END

Things Are Looking Good

2009-01-05T10:01:00.005-05:00

Well, it's been a long time - too long, I think. The last 5 weeks have been pretty miserable for me. This pregnancy has brought on some nasty sickness lasting all day, every day. UGH! Tomorrow will bring me to the 11 week mark, and I've noticed over the last few days that the sickness is beginning to subside. Phew! Now it's pretty good during the day, and gets bad again in the evenings - that's bearable. BUT, before being able to feel the baby kick and move, this is the best indicator that everything is okay inside, so I'll take it! Also, I can feel my little uterus growing down low in my belly. That seems to make this all seem more real. It's still hard to believe we're having another baby! Can't wait to meet our under 9 pound little girl...that's what you guys concluded for us, anyway. Whatever we have, and however much he or she weighs (I can say that because I'm having a c-section!), the baby will be a wonderful blessing!

Today Jon started his long awaited kitchen job. I mentioned before how tense life has been for Jon due to his unemployment since August. He's had jobs here and there, and while this is another of those "here and there" jobs, he's still happy to be working. He's also a bit nervous because he's never installed a kitchen by himself before, but he's such a great worker and I'm confident in his abilities! So, this will be about three weeks of work for him...and three weeks of sanity, too! (That's the best part!) Also, things may be working out for him to do another kitchen, finish a basement and do some other jobs around people's houses. So, things are looking up for him getting some work.

Another new part of today is that Caleb started at a new school. The school that he's been attending since June is a fabulous school, but we came to find out that it is THE MOST expensive school in the area, by far! Oops! We went into it with Massachusetts prices in mind, so at the time of enrollment it sounded reasonable. Boy were we wrong! It was not the place for an unemployed family on WIC...haha! So, he started at a great new school where his Children's Pastor from church is his teacher, and one of his best friends is in the other 4 year old class. Makes for a great transition. He was very excited about it!

About the time Jon's job finishes and after Caleb's first month of school, we will be heading off to Scotland for a month to be with Jon's family. (You may wonder, where is this unemployed family on WIC getting the money to go to Scotland? Jon's extended family has been SO kind to gift us with some finances to help with our airfare, because no, it's not cheap to fly a family of five across the ocean!) The last time we were together was when Hannah was just 6 weeks old, so it will be great to spend some quality time with his parents and sisters and their families. We really miss them! Plus, they have never been around for any of the kids' birthdays. Hannah will turn 1 while we are there, so we're excited to be able to celebrate that special occasion with Jon's family! (And...it's the coast of Scotland, so no matter what we do, it will be beautiful!) We're hoping to leave the kids for a couple days and get away, maybe to Ireland, as a couple. We don't often get to have this opportunity, and what better place to have a few days together?!

So, there are changes happening in our lives, and they are great changes! Thanks to those who have prayed for Jon's job, and for this baby. So far, so good! Oh yeah, and HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone!

Below are a couple pictures from Christmas...

The Journey Continues

2008-12-12T17:35:00.003-05:00

It's been a little while since I've posted. I've wanted to put this one together for awhile now, but just haven't - for many reasons. But, here it is - nothing great, nothing controversial, nothing powerful, just more about life's journey.

Hindsight is an amazing thing, I think. I often ask God "why?" Why is that one option which looked so perfect for us, just felt so wrong in the end, or why is it that a particular door was opened which we never expected? What is HIS plan for us? Jon and I try very hard to remain in God's will for us - going where He leads, and doing what He asks. We've kept ourselves open to moves and changes as we see Him leading, and so far He's been so faithful. I look back on all the decisions we've made in the past in our following after God, and while they didn't always make sense at the time, it is almost always completely clear why we were there, doing what we were doing.

Our journey has taken us down many unexpected roads recently. Since August, Jon has been unemployed - kind of looking for a new job, but also holding out in case the one he's been with works out in the spring. We've wondered when enough is enough and we should start looking outside of this area. But, for the moment, we do not feel like God is releasing us from this area. We haven't been here very long, and we feel like God has really put us to work here. So, we wait. Trust and obey. Each day is a challenge - especially for Jon who feels the natural need to be providing for his family. But, despite the challenge of his unemployment, we've truly seen God's faithfulness in so many ways - people helping out financially, gifts for the kids, free groceries through WIC, free insurance...

The free insurance is a huge one - especially now that we've found out that we will be having another baby. Yup, that's right, folks. In the midst of the insanity, life threw us a curve ball. Day one of knowing about this was particularly difficult. But, one of God's many provisions through all these changes has been an overwhelming sense of optimism...especially for Jon who often has a more difficult time seeing the good through the "storms". We might have called this pregnancy a storm at first, but truly our hearts have changed. We've already had the privilege of seeing this little 7 1/2 week old embryo twice by ultrasound, with it's little beating heart and tiny limbs forming. It is so miraculous. For about a week there was concern that everything was not okay. When we found out this past Wednesday that the baby was fine, Jon and I were incredibly relieved. It's amazing how quickly something can become a blessing - something can become a love in your life.

So, today as our journey changes in one way and stays the same in another, we celebrate this journey. You can all say, "I told ya so!" and you guys did call it! While we weren't expecting this new addition to life, it seems you were, and now we rejoice in it with you. It does feel crazy, and maybe it is, but I KNOW God will continue to use us, and I KNOW God has a plan for this baby!

(Baby will be born at the end of July by c-section...and I WILL be having my tubes tied the same day! Please pray with us that everything goes smoothly for the baby.)

How the Big Day Went...

2008-11-29T17:41:00.006-05:00

Our Thanksgiving Celebration with our Kingdom Meal friends was awesome! Here are a few things to remember from the day:

1. Caleb is my favorite four year old ever! When the caravan of KMM people arrived, Caleb asked who all they were. When I told him they were our Kingdom Meal friends, he literally jumped up from his toys, ran over to a table where he grabbed some small plates, went and found a basket of rolls, plated them all, and hand delivered a roll to each person. We were not planning to even do that, and no one asked him to do a thing. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply answered, "I'm serving." God is doing amazing things in that boy's heart!

2. Our KMM friends really needed to know they are loved - even outside of KMM. When we arrived at the Salvation Army - our pick-up site - people asked if they could hug us. They knew we were there just for them, because we wanted to spend our holiday with them. It was a beautiful and very touching thing.

3. There is such sadness in the lives of many of these people. One friend asked for prayer for her nephew Jeffrey who had been shot three days before - once in the chest and twice in the back, and no one was sure if he was ever going to walk again. Another woman told me of how some years back her husband tried to snap her spine by dropping her on her back over an ottoman. Because of this abuse, not only has her life been scarred, but she can't even hold a job because of her back injuries (along with some mental illnesses, she added). My heart really does break for these people.

4. With love comes freedom. Four friends were just crazy about the instruments and microphones. I don't even know how to describe the picture of them singing and playing other than just 'free'. No one was judging them, or looking down on them, or expecting anything of them. They were free to do what they wanted and be who they really were. It was fun to watch. And, I was so proud of my mom for being right up there with them, singing into her fake mic, and dancing around the stage. Another guy from KMM, who is normally quite the tough guy, with aggression and attitude, showed his softer side when he was playing ring-around-the-rosie with my kids and my mom. It was the same deal for him - no one judging him, or expecting him to be tough. He felt comfortable and he felt loved...so he played! It was very cool!

5. One of the girls who came to help out was such an amazing young person. By the way she talked, I would have guessed that she'd been a Christian her whole life. She's 17 and she just 'gets it'. She went on with passion about how she's seen how many Christians in this world just really screw things up - judging, hating, condemning, discriminating, isolating themselves, and representing Christ in such an un-Christ-like way. I came to find out that she's been a Christian for just a year. Perhaps that's why she gets it. She hasn't been brought up in the tradition of rules and judgments. She was such a breath of fresh air.

6. I was blown away by how the New Hope community really grabbed hold of this as an opportunity to love and serve our neighbors. SO MUCH food was donated, and prepared by people who weren't even able to be there for the actual event. There was so much extra food that every single person went home with enough food to last them a week. We were planning for 75, had about 40 people show up, and had enough food for about 120. Everyone was thrilled to be able to fill their bellies while they were there, but also to know that they would have food for the next week (including dessert!).

Thursday was an amazing time, and I believe God was with us, from beginning to end. I'm excited to see how people respond on Sunday when we see them again at Kingdom Meal. I'm also excited to make this an annual event. Why shouldn't every Thanksgiving be spent like this? I can't think of a single thing I'd rather have done that day.

Thanks for your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, donations, time and energy!

Thanksgiving With Family

2008-11-25T21:32:00.002-05:00

Here I am requesting prayer...

For those who aren't New Hopers, and don't know what we're doing for Thanksgiving, I'd like to fill you in for just a minute. A couple of weeks ago, Jon and I were talking about our plans for Thanksgiving, which were to go to my parents house and hang out with the fam. for the day. I had been having this feeling for awhile like maybe we should invite a family that we had met at Kingdom Meal to share the day with our family. The more we talked about it, the harder it became to narrow down who the invitation would go to. So, we decided we would run it by our family - who all gave the idea two thumbs up - and just hand out a general invitation to the guests who come each week to Kingdom Meal. We did just that, and it turns out that 59 people have signed up to come!! WOW!

That means a couple of different things for me. First, it means that 59 people we know and love don't have anything else to do on that day. Maybe they have no family. Maybe they have no money. Maybe they've lost loved ones. Maybe they are lonely. Maybe they don't have a home. Maybe, maybe, maybe so many things. It breaks my heart. But, second, it means that 59 people that I have spent the last 6 months getting to know and love, trust and love Jon and I enough to get in our car, drive out of Youngstown, and spend their holiday with us. That is a very humbling idea to me.

We sent the word out to our church (where this now quite large get-together will be held) and people have really stepped up to participate through their attendance, through donations, and through their amazing cooking abilities. Even though all of New Hope won't be directly involved, it feels like it is a great bonding experience (for lack of a better term), and I'm excited to see the fire lit under others in the community.

I'm so glad that God laid this idea on our hearts, and that we were obedient (as often I am not). PLEASE pray with us that He will be seen and that through us, His love will shine. I believe He wanted to us to do this for a reason - for His Kingdom.

We'll take some pictures, and let you all know later how it goes. This is exciting!

"Food For Thought"

2008-11-11T13:57:00.003-05:00

A guy Jon and I went to school with recently posted a blog that really got us thinking. You can read it here. He asks, in so many words, if we are to sort of drop everything and do what we feel God is asking us to do, or if we are to use common sense and think our way through it - making sure our family is provided for, our retirement funds are substantial enough to sustain us later, etc.

It really got Jon and I thinking. Certainly, if we feel God is calling us to do something, we should ideally trust Him and go...knowing that He will provide for our needs. But, what are our needs? Food? Water? Shelter? Electricity? A Microwave? A vehicle? An Ipod?

Last February when Jon and I were packing up our two babes to move to Kenya for four months, many people thought we were crazy. This isn't speculation, people actually told us this. Maybe we were, but in that moment, we knew we were going where God was calling, and doing what He was asking us to do. We had an apartment with two bedrooms (separated by pieces of plywood, mind you, but two rooms none the less!) and we were grateful! We had food to eat (it was different, but we adjusted and really enjoyed it). We did not have electricity, clean water to drink, a nice shower to use, a fridge, microwave and all the other conveniences. Life was very different for us - we'd made sacrifices, yet we still lived far above the poverty level in Kenya. So again, we are asking what our needs really are. Do we "need" the best food and technology to survive, or can we live on, say, rice and beans for dinner every night?

So many people around the world can only afford beans and rice as a meal for the day...if they can afford anything at all. So, we have decided to challenge ourselves to eat this meal for dinner each night for one month. We hope this will help us to remember those around the world who God has laid on our hearts to love and to help. Also, each night at dinner, we will plan to put at least $1 into a pot at the center of the table to represent what we are not spending on a normal, more lavish feast, and at the end of the 30 days will put that money towards a program to feed those in need...or towards a future mission trip.

For the season of Lent, we plan to put together a packet for others who may be interested in participating in this. Along with other tools and ideas, we will have "Food For Thought" cards for each of the 40 days, with stories of a family or individual around the world who are in such a situation. These can be read at dinner, as we eat our beans and rice and think and pray for those in need. Perhaps at the end of the 40 days, any New Hopers involved can put their $40 or $80 or whatever they have decided to give, towards an upcoming mission trip. (Hopefully by Lent we will be much further into the planning of this trip.) Those of you from other churches may want to do something similar with your community, and we are excited about getting information to you, too. This could be a very big, very cool thing to help make people aware of what others go through all around the world.

With Caleb's curiosity being so peaked about friends and others in need, we think this is such a great time to introduce something like this challenge into our family. I'm excited to see how it all plays out, and I'm excited to really focus on the needs in our world, and be more inspired to do something about it.

We know that God has given us a passion for those in need, and we are willing to go and do what He asks of us. We're pretty pumped about doing what we can to be God's hands and feet to His people. What a privilege that we don't deserve!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CALEB!!

2008-11-03T22:03:00.003-05:00

My oldest turned four on Sunday...where has the time gone?

Caleb is having a little party on Thursday, so we didn't do any "birthday" stuff on Sunday. I debated with myself about whether or not to go to Kingdom Meal this week or not, since it was Caleb's birthday. Then, I thought, "why not bring Caleb?!" So, I did, and it was just about the most precious thing I've ever seen. He knows that Mommy goes each week to serve food to people who don't have enough, and he knows that's where I met our friend May-May, but he'd never come with me before. I was hesitant to bring such a young helper for fear that he'd be more hassle than help, but he proved me wrong! He got right to work helping me set out cups and pour people's drinks. After all the set up and drink service, we sat down with a little boy named Damarje and his mom way at the back of the gym. Damarje is four, like Caleb, and they were instant friends. When it was time to serve food, Caleb came with me to the window to get plates. He took one all by himself, and went off without me, turning his head while he was walking to tell me that he wanted to make sure Damarje got some dinner. He walked past everyone to go feed his friend. He never asked any questions of his new friend, he just gave him what he knew he needed. Then, Caleb went back to the window for another plate, and brought to the next child he saw...he was making sure all the kids were fed first. Duh...why don't we always do it like that?! It was just the sweetest thing ever watching my little four year old put his own wants and needs aside and doing what Jesus would have done. At the end, Caleb got to eat a hotdog and then had a cookie. While he was eating his cookie, I told him I would just go clean up a little. He told me he'd come clean too, and that he would eat his cookie later. Seriously, is this the Caleb I know? Leaving his cookie to clean? WOW!

I've often wondered if I do a good enough job as a mommy for my kids, and if Jon does a good job as a Daddy. I know that we make mistakes, of course, but this experience was an answer to prayer for me. Only by the grace of God are we doing an alright job raising these kids. I know I don't have the patience to do it on my own!

I started going to a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group last month, and the girl giving the devotional read the following poem. It really made me wonder what my kids see when I don't realize they're watching me. It was powerful. Enjoy...

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

At the very end of the night, after Caleb finished his cookie, he excused himself past our friend Lizzie who was with us, and he said he had to go tell his Mommy something. He ran over to me, so I knelt down to hear what he had to say. He said, "I just wanted to tell you that I really, really love you." I gave him a super huge squeeze, and felt like I had never loved him more than in that very moment. I am so proud of this little servant that God has blessed our family with.

Happy Birthday, Caleb! I love you!

The Simple Life

2008-10-31T13:57:00.006-04:00

In our memory book from our time in Kenya, one of the captions says, "Life was more simple. Every morning we put our lantern out to charge so we could have light after the sun went down and the generators went off. We'd spend a lot of the day playing outside in the beauty of our new home. Jon had a lot more time to play guitar and write music. God taught us how to slow down and enjoy life for what it is."

Often times I forget to stop and enjoy the beauty and the simplicity of life, and have to actually experience it to even remember what that is. Yesterday we spent the afternoon at my parents' house about 25 minutes from where we live. They live out in the country. There are neighborhoods - sort of - but it's a lot more spread out. Life seems slower and simpler in these parts. I decided to walk "death hill", which is a 3+ mile walk up and down some big hills through a...simpler neighborhood. There are lots of trees, some ponds, farms, cows, chickens, horses and even some black swans along the route. At one point, I walked past a house as a woman was coming out, and she greeted her goats who were waiting for her on the front porch. Hmm, that's different (but it immediately brought me back to Kenya where there were goats roaming the streets, and up on buildings...as pictured).

As I was walking, I was thinking about a simpler life (not to be mistaken with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's ridiculous reality TV show...which I am guilty of having seen a few times.) So often, as I've mentioned before, God has given me the encouragement to be still and know that He is God. But, I just don't take much time to be still. I'm doing dishes, or folding laundry, or watching videos or playing with the kids, or feeding mush to a spitting baby, or driving Caleb to school, or...just going, going, going.

This morning I decided to just enjoy being with my kids. So, after I fed Hannah lunch, and after the (superhero) boys finished decorating their paper-towel-tube trumpets, the boys and I marched, skipped and ran around the dining room table in a "band" playing instruments to entertain ourselves and Hannah for a good 20 minutes (some decent exercise, too!). It was simple, it was fun, and it boosted all of our moods to be together, playing and enjoying life.

At the moment Jon is unemployed. What a perfect opportunity for Jon to be still and know that He is God. At the moment my kids are all taking at least a two hour nap at the same time in the afternoon. What a perfect moment for me to be still and know that He is God. (But here I am during nap time writing about it instead of doing it - ha!)

Why is it that we get so caught up doing, doing, doing and going, going, going - even in our minds? I obsess over how I look or if the house is clean - and I get so overwhelmed with my thoughts on those issues that I end up just letting them both go...doing nothing around the house, or not eating any better or exercising any more. It's just so easy for my brain to just keep going and never stop - about so many things. I want my brain to be consumed with godly thoughts and ideas, rather than worldly obsessions. I want to take a 3 mile walk in my mind every day and just enjoy the simplicity of life...the peace and quiet of God's rest and comfort. I feel like it's in these times that He will speak to me most clearly.

God, teach me and all of us who find ourselves so busy to just slow down and enjoy life for what it is.

Maybe I'm Not Just the Girl Next Door

2008-10-24T11:23:00.008-04:00

I had a funny memory this morning (which probably doesn't go too far into the past as I find I still do this a lot) when Caleb, Johnny and I were singing a song from one of their kid's worship CDs. Remember thinking you knew the lyrics to a song but you were just way off, and didn't realize until someone overheard you singing and made fun of you for your interpretation? So, on this CD there is a song about God having created the world, and about what He did on each day (the theology of that is a discussion for another day). The song says, "On day two, God knew just what to do..." As we were singing this Caleb busts out with, "On day two, the Noof is fun to do..." I thought that was pretty funny, and even funnier was Caleb's insistence that these words were right, and even funnier thinking about how many times I've defended my lyric interpretations. He's getting so old!

Recently, Caleb informed us that he had changed his goals for his future. For as long as I can remember, he has wanted to be a Monkey Farmer (where he got that from, I may never know), but he now wants to be a Garbage Truck Man. He's been fascinated watching the garbage trucks come by, with a guy hanging off the back - I admit, that does look fun, and I guess the money is good. Okay, Caleb, it's your life! I will admit, though, that I am a bit disappointed, as I was planning to live vicariously through Caleb in his monkey farming. When I was kid one of my dreams in life (this is sad, I know) was to hold a baby monkey wearing a diaper, and feed it a bottle. I was looking forward to Caleb's dream, but now I will get excited for him about riding the back of a truck for the rest of his life.

About two weeks ago, our friend Jameer came over to hang out (as he does just about every afternoon after school). Jameer is 6, and he lives in the apartment complex right next to our house, right at the dead end. I asked him when his birthday is, and he didn't know, but what he did know was that his mom drives a black Cadillac, and that it has rims. Ah, the things we find important to teach our kids. We've had Jameer over for dinner before, and that boy has eaten like he hadn't eaten all day. We don't know if our skinny friend really hadn't eaten all day, or if he just enjoys scarfing down loads of food like an animal. I asked him recently why we never see his mom and dad, and that we'd love to meet them sometime. He told his mom said that she would NEVER come on this street.

Clifton Dr. is three streets away from being in Youngstown. We have a great amount of diversity on our street, which was one of our favorite things about living here. It's awesome to see the mixed race families, the black teens hanging our with the white teens, and our kids playing with their black friends and their white friends. Our end of the street seems to be tough, though, and I don't know what to do about it. Our white neighbors to the right are a great family who we spend a good amount of time with. Our kids are good friends and play together just about every day. To the left of us is the apartment complex which houses a lot of black families, and it honestly seems like they do everything they can to NOT say hi to us. (This sounds like a general statement, but it literally is everyone who drives by.) I feel like I've tried everything. When our neighbors drive either in or out of the complex, and I'm outside, I try different things. I look at the car, waiting for someone to look over so I can give a friendly smile or wave. I look only out of the corner of my eye sometimes, so they don't think I'm just staring at them. I wave - even when no one is looking out their window. No one EVER even looks over. I just don't get it. It's the adults, not the kids. The kids are fantastic, and friendly and wonderful friends of our own kids.

One small breakthrough that we had was a couple months ago when we got home from being out with the family. I saw some kids sitting on one of the complex porches, so I went over there with Caleb and Johnny. There were about 6 kids, and when we went over we found out there was a birthday party. One of the adults came out and offered cake to the boys, at which they accepted excitedly. We sat on the porch with the kids, while they played with my hair and Johnny's hair with such fascination. Jon came over at one point, and one of the guys came out of the apartment. They talked for a few minutes, but it turned out that this guy didn't live at the complex - he was an uncle just there for the party. So, still nothing from our neighbors. No one else came out that day, and to this day, nearly 7 months since our move in date, not one person has even glanced over as they drove by. What can we do about this?

Last night after dinner, all five of us were outside playing, as we like to do every night before bed. The boys' friends Jameer and LaRon came over to play, and Jameer's cousin Jo, whom we had met one other time came too. Jo, who is 12, came right over and hugged me as if we were old friends - it was sweet. The boys all played catch with Jon (which was one of the cutest things ever), and Jo showed me some of her cheerleading and dance moves, and told me about school. I was so sad, because it was as if no one ever watched her, or got excited for her, or cared to listen to her. I took a few pictures of them all and Jammer acted like the kids in Kenya and Uganda did - as if no one had ever taken this child's picture before. How do we reach these neighbors through this barrier of culture, or stereotypes, or assumptions? I guess for now, we show these kids love - we show them how a mommy and a daddy can love each other and their kids. Maybe these kids aren't seeing that at home, and we are their example for their futures. Maybe I'm making assumptions...

Thoughts?

Here We Go...'Sexual Immorality'

2008-10-20T20:49:00.002-04:00

What a conversation that has been happening about homosexuality! For those who have been following along, WOW, huh?! I know! Well, my friend Matt asked me in his last comment what my definition of sexual immorality is. I began answering it as another comment, then thought, "heck, how about I just be that 'controversial blogger' for awhile." So, here goes...

First, let me just say that while I am pretty sure that God may very well give the okay for homosexual relationships, that He doesn't give the okay for homosexual sex outside of marriage...just like He doesn't for heterosexual sex outside of marriage. And this obviously poses a problem for homosexual Christians, because in most states it is not yet legal for them to marry. So, next comes my "definition' of marriage.

Actually, my mom and I just talked about this very question. I guess a vague answer that I would say to Matt's original question is that sexual immorality is a sexual act outside of what God has given you blessing to act upon. This may be different actions for different people.

Okay, NOW come my thoughts on marriage. One of the cool things about God is that He knows us better than anyone else - even ourselves. He goes straight to out heart and knows us very deep. I believe He ultimately judges our heart...not our checklists or rights and wrongs. So, marriage...are we married when we are committed in our hearts to another person or when we check off everything on our checklist, 1.) ceremony 2.) priest/pastor/judge/"by the power vested in me" 3.) ring on the finger 4.) one witness to sign the papers 5.) marriage certificate??

There is a man and a woman who have been 'partners' for over 20 years. They live together, share family, holidays, love, sexual relations, etc. They are and have been fully committed to one another for all of these years. Is their sex life one of sexual immorality? I believe not. In their hearts, these two are married...more married than a lot of actual married people I know!

There is a man and a woman who have been married for 5 years. He is committed to her in love, friendship, sexual acts, etc. She is committed on the outside, but her heart is somewhere else...and with someone else. Is their sex life one of sexual immorality? For him, I would think not, but for her, I would suggest that she is being sexually immoral when engaging in sexual activity with her husband. There is no love or commitment involved.

(Side note: both are true stories of couples I know.)

This is why I have a hard time with the whole checklist mentality. I don't believe God has a check list. He doesn't have the rules that we think He does. He has a heart for His children - us. HE KNOWS our hearts. Sometimes we think we know someone and their intentions way more than we actually do. That's when we start to point fingers with our list of dos and don'ts. I know I've pointed fingers at inappropriate times. I know people have done the same to me. It's done nothing but hurt, not help.

If we are truly seeking God and His will for us as sexual beings, He will let us know what we can and cannot do to remain sexually moral people.

One more quick thought I have...let's say there is a woman pastor who knows without a doubt that God has called her to the ministry - to lead and pastor a body of Christ followers. Who am I (or anyone else) to say to her, "Don't you know what the Bible says about women in ministry? You must have misheard God - He would never have called you to that. You're wrong!" Similarly, who am I to say to a gay Christian, "What? God has given you His blessing to marry this other man? He never would have blessed that. You must have misheard God. You're wrong!"

If we understood God completely, the world would be a very different place. But, we DON'T! He is almighty, and so far beyond our comprehension - there's no way I can wrap my brain around it all. So, since I believe God doesn't have a checklist (aside from the ten commandments), who am I to judge what others are doing as right or wrong? GOD sees into their hearts, not ME!

So, now come the comments, I guess. What are YOUR thoughts and definitions on sexual immorality?

What the Bible says - and doesn't say - about homosexuality

2008-10-14T15:06:00.005-04:00

http://www.soulforce.org/pdf/whatthebiblesays.pdf

I want to thank both Jan and Matt for the time and energy that they put into their responses about my last post. I was expecting "the debate" about homosexuality to begin at some point after what I wrote in my last blog, and it did. (That's a good thing, and certainly not a bad thing!) We all have different opinions. For me, I guess, the bottom line is that I am not convinced that practicing homosexuality is a sin in and of itself, and therefore will not judge a practicing homosexual as a person living in sin. The link I put above is a great resource for anyone trying to figure out where they stand on homosexuality and the Bible. I'll warn you, it's not a short read, but it's INCREDIBLY interesting, and I would encourage anyone to read it. (I especially like the fourth and fifth premises.)

Let's keep talking!

An Awesome Experience!

2008-10-10T16:23:00.006-04:00

On Friday as I drove home from my first MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers)Group, the boys were in the back singing along with their CD, "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, for all you've given me." It was such a sweet moment hearing Johnny try and keep up, and Caleb trying to stay on pitch. It was even sweeter thinking through what they were singing, and realizing, truly, how much I have to be thankful for.

I am incredibly thankful for the time I had last weekend to get together in Washington DC with a few of my college girlfriends. It was an awesome time of reconnection, and we had a great weekend exploring the city and meeting new people.

Our last night there we had the pleasure of bumping into some guys who ended up taking us bar hopping. It sounds worse than it was, I assure you! Ben, Mark and Drew, three gay men, struck up a conversation with us on our way back to our hotel at about 11:00 Saturday night. Immediately we felt comfortable with them, and just laughed and had a good time chatting. They invited us with them to a gay bar, which none of us had ever been to before. I was SO excited about it. We had such a great time hanging out with them, having a drink (for those who need their names cleared, I was the only one who had a drink...), and just getting to know them and hearing some of their stories.

I was especially excited about this, and the timing of this because of our series at New Hope that we're going through called, "They Like Jesus, but Not the Church." As a church, it seems we've really screwed up in a lot of ways, one of them being the way we treat homosexuals. It's assumed by so many that Christians are homophobic, judgmental, negative people who hate gay people. The video for that week of the series was so powerful for me. While we were hanging out with our new friends, I had the chance to throw appropriately into the mix of conversation that we happened to be Christians. The conversation didn't go any further than that, but it really didn't need to. I'm left with the hope that God will use that opportunity for those guys to think about Christ-followers and realize that not all Christians (and I would hope this is true of most Christians)are stiff, gay-bashers who are condemning them to hell, but are loving and accepting of them as people - children of God. After all, we have ALL sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Who are we (whether we believe that practicing homosexuality is a sin or not - and I think I may not) to throw stones at another, when we sin like everyone else.

I am so thankful for this time which was a great end to an awesome weekend. I was so energized from this experience, and really felt in my element. I'm glad that God works in all kinds of ways, even through hanging out in gay clubs - or any clubs, for that matter, and I believe He will work through this experience - even if only in a small way.

What's YOUR Miracle?

2008-10-01T18:01:00.003-04:00

According to the recent poll, we all believe that miracles do happen, and most of us believe we have experienced at least one at some point. There was mention of babies forming inside of a woman, which I agree is an incredible miracle that I have been blessed to experience three times now (and will experience no more, for those of you who think we're going to have another!). Since a whopping 11 of us claim to have experienced a miracle, I am curious to have you share what those were for you...for those who would be so willing. Simply leave a comment to this post for others to read. Thanks for sharing! I know that I am ALWAYS inspired when I hear about the way God works in other people's lives. God works in so many ways...even through dreams, I have learned (which is a topic for a post another day). So, please...if you would...share with us how you have seen God's hand in your life.

A Good Quote

2008-09-27T20:04:00.002-04:00

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!"

I received one of those, "pass this email on to three people and you'll have good luck" type emails today. I tend to just erase those, but this one I read. This quote was a little hidden gem at the end, and I liked it, so while I didn't pass the email on, I thought I would share it with all of you.

"Multiply, Jesus. Multiply, Jesus. Multiply, Jesus"

2008-09-21T19:57:00.004-04:00

I am so confused sometimes by miracles. Do they happen? Do they happen like they did in the Bible? Do they only happen in developing nations, and if so, why? What is a miracle? Can something small be considered a miracle?

I wrote a few posts ago about an experience I had in Kenya where I truly felt that God healed my baby when nothing else was working. A miracle? For me - yes. Is it explainable to others scientifically? Maybe...I don't know much about medicines and sicknesses. But, I know God worked.

Sunday night at Kingdom Meal Ministry (KMM)there was talk of miracles. Pastor Rusty, the KMM president, was telling me about a meeting he'd had with a pastor friend of his this past week. This pastor had just come back from Mozambique and spoke of miracles that he encountered while he was there. There were crutches lining the outer walls of a church building, because people were going in and being healed. There was one night when the group had prepared a dinner of stew for some event. The people of the village heard of this gathering, and "crashed" the party, and expected to be fed. The woman dishing out the stew was saying as she scooped up each bowl, "Multiply, Jesus. Multiply, Jesus. Multiply, Jesus." The pastor said that after the whole village was fed, there was actually more stew left in the pot then when they began. Did Jesus feed the 5,000 that night like he did when He was on earth? Why am I a skeptic sometimes? Why do I doubt things like this. Why do we hear about an event like this and think, "That's a nice story."

KMM was special this week. I showed up at 4 like normal, and instead of finding all the tables and chairs set up and all the workers getting everything ready, I found a locked, dark, empty gym. I was the only helper there other than 2 cooks, and there were already guests waiting outside to come in. I worked my butt off setting up all those tables and chairs alone - preparing to feed 130 or so people. I was panicking that no one else would come to help. But, Pastor Rusty tells us every week that God always provides. We ended up with only about 10 workers on Sunday when we normally have about 20 or more. But this week, we fed over 200 people - I have NEVER seen that many people come to be fed. When panic should have taken over, I was surprisingly calm and it was a very smooth evening. People were happy, I got lots of hugs, people's bellies were full, and there were plenty of leftovers. Is this a miracle? I don't know. But, I will not doubt that God was at work there that night...as I believe He desires to be at work - everywhere - all the time. Maybe it's not whether God "performed a miracle", maybe it's whether or not we choose to see the hand of God at work in our every day circumstances.

I'd like to do that. My friend Stacy has done that in the midst of her storms of life. The connection to her blog can be found in my friend's blogs section...it's worth checking out, for sure. Another amazing friend just experienced a second miscarriage in the span of only a few months, but continues to praise Him in her storm. To me, this is miraculous. Where do you see God at work in your life? Do you see it? What are your thoughts on miracles? I think - no, I KNOW they happen. I'm just gonna keep praying, "Multiply, Jesus. Multiply, Jesus. Multiply, Jesus."

An Evening of Meltdowns

2008-09-12T14:24:00.002-04:00

I'd like to describe for you my evening last night. Jon was at a guy's house doing some music recording, so it was me and the kids - all day - from waking hours until bedtime. By the time dinner rolled around, say about 6:30, Hannah began getting a bit fussy as she was tired and ready for her bottle and her bed. I figured she could wait it out a few minutes while I sat down with the boys to eat. She was playing in her room on the floor when I brought out dinner. I called it pizza to Johnny and an omelet to Caleb. Johnny was fooled, but Caleb wasn't. It was some sort of quiche thing (super yummy!!), but he knew I'd put spinach in it. Begin melt down number one. Caleb freaked out like I've never seen before. He refused even to sit in his seat. He cried and yelled and made a huge deal out of not wanting to eat this dinner. This is coming from a child who does NOT throw tantrums, is an amazing listener, and very rarely gets into trouble. I was floored - but patient. When Hannah started chiming in with her tired meltdown, I decided one needed to be a bit more out of ear shot, so I sent Caleb up to his room. Johnny, who had been doing an amazing job eating his "pizza" and who said it was "good" and "nummy", all of a sudden decided to play Caleb copier, and say, "No like it! Get down and pway!" I tried to convince him that he didn't need to act like that, and I reminded him that he DID, in fact, like this dinner, but he was already too far into playing Caleb. So, I decided I would send him upstairs and I would start taking care of Hannah. I got her bottle, and went in to a now quite thirsty and tired baby, and began changing her into her jammies. I got her arms and legs in, and one snap fastened when I heard a huge bang from upstairs and then Johnny lose it completely. So, to Hannah's dismay, I left her as she was and ran upstairs expecting to find Johnny had fallen off Caleb's bed or something. Turns out Caleb threw his fan at Johnny's head - wow, this is VERY unlike Caleb. They're both freaking out now! I calmly talked over with Caleb what had happened, when Johnny picked up a pair of pants and threw them in Caleb's face. I sent Johnny to his room and shut him in (he's freaking out, of course, over this), and told Caleb to get into bed, because what he did was not okay. He responded with a very worked up and very loud, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". I wanted to spank him - hard, but the situation had gotten so escalated that spanking him would have only made it worse - it would have helped nothing. So, I just went back downstairs to Hannah who was very unhappy with me by this point. I finished snapping her up, and shoved the bottle into her mouth. Finally, one quiet and calm child. It took about 10 minutes for her to drink her bottle, and I just sat and listened to the mayhem upstairs. Those two boys were incredibly angry and having uncontrollable meltdowns. It was almost funny. Is this wrong? Hannah finished her bottle, let out a huge burp and proceeded to vomit all over me. Perfect. So, before rushing up to the boys, I laid her down and had to go change my clothes. Finally upstairs, I went into Johnny's room, and got him ready for bed. We talked, and he was okay - eventually. Two quiet kids. When I got into Caleb's room, I sat on his bed and we just hugged for a minute. Three quiet kids. Phew! We talked through everything that happened, and then I tucked him in. I told him that even though I wasn't yelling at him, that I was still not happy with the way he had been acting. He said he knew. I kissed him good night and told him I loved him. He loved me too, he said. Then he said, "Mommy, even when I'm frustrated with you, I still love you." It made me happy to know that, and to know that he'd been paying attention all those times I'd said that to him.

So, normally under these circumstances I, too, would have a meltdown. But, something kept me sane; kept me calm. I have been praying for a long time now that God would bless me patience that can come only from Him, cause I know I can't conjure it up on my own. He granted me that patience last night, and I am truly thankful. I did, however, call Jon and ask him to pick up some ice cream on the way home. It was one of those "I just need to dig into to some delicious Handle's" nights. But...today's been great so far!

Supporting our Leader

2008-09-07T21:19:00.003-04:00

For those readers who don't know, our pastor here at New Hope has just recently been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease, and after a tumor removal last week, is on bed rest for about 6 weeks. That stinks, huh!? He seems to be doing fairly well, all things considered. But, we miss him being in our gatherings, leading our community the way he does so well. So, I had this crazy idea yesterday that I assumed would be laughed at. I thought, how about those who aren't doing anything for lunch just go get fast food, and sit outside Paul and Stacy's house and eat together. Paul and Stacy would be under no obligation to help, or entertain or provide anything. We just want them to know that this community loves them, supports them, misses them and is with them - even when they can't leave the house. So, while Jon and I were doing music this morning in the gatherings, I took advantage of being up front to "announce" this idea to the people. I was a little embarrassed thinking people would think it was just a strange idea. BUT, after the two gatherings today, 40 people showed up with their Wendy's, MacDonald's, Chipotle, Subway, pizza, PB&J's and more, and we all sat outside on tablecloths just hanging out and being there - together. It was so great to see so many people ready to spontaneously support and love our leader and his amazing family. So, thanks Paul and Stacy for allowing us to intrude on your quiet time. We love you. We support you. We miss you. We're with you. We're praying for you.

Be Still. Trust.

2008-09-03T14:24:00.002-04:00

As I was lying in bed last night waiting to fall asleep, I had a lot on my mind. A song came to me in the midst of my busy thoughts:

“Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am God.

I am the Lord that healeth thee. I am the Lord that healeth thee. I am the Lord that healeth thee.

In Thee, oh Lord, I place my trust. In Thee, oh Lord, I place my trust. In Thee, oh Lord, I place my trust.”

This simple tune had come to me one other time in my life, just about a year and a half ago when our family was far from home and living in Kenya. Johnny was really sick and we had to bring him to the Kijabe Hospital – a mission hospital about 45 minutes from where we lived. He had been lethargic, feverish and vomiting for a couple of days, and had taken in no food, milk or water. It was sad. He needed an IV, but his veins were so small in his arms that they had to shave the side of his head at his temple and insert the IV needle there. He had been too weak to cry for the past two days, but when he felt that pain, he just started screaming and crying. I had to stay with him that night all alone, and I was scared. He received one IV bag of fluids, and in an upset and painful fit, he ripped it out of his head. So, they had me hold him down while they shaved the other side of his little head with a scalpel, and insert another IV there. Half a bag of fluids later, the IV just stopped working. It was the middle of the night, Johnny was making little to no progress and he was exhausted. They wanted to put in another IV, and I just told them “No.”, I couldn’t handle it, and neither could Johnny. It was just too overwhelming. So, I stood and rocked my tired, sick baby in my arms, and I truly believe that God gave me that song – the song I wrote above. I cried as I sang him to sleep, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and desperate. When he woke up a few hours later, Johnny was ready to eat. He nursed and nursed, and drank water from a bottle. It was truly a miracle. When medicine failed, and nothing around us seemed to go right, God lifted us into his arms and carried us through – and I truly believe He healed my baby.

I believe that song didn’t just happen to pop into my head last night. I believe like before, God gave me that song to remind me that he is carrying me through. Right now I am dealing with some stuff that just feels completely overwhelming and out of my control. I am exhausted and feeling desperate. My “healing” may be a slower process than Johnny’s was, but the promise is the same. God is with me, carrying me through. He will not leave me nor forsake me. I need to be still and know that He is God. I know that He will heal my heart and help me through my moment-by-moment struggles. I just need to trust Him. And I do…not always an easy thing, but I do.

Another Jon-ism...and more!

2008-08-30T10:10:00.007-04:00

Jon's not technically employed at the moment, so he's started doing some odd jobs for people. At the moment he's doing a kitchen floor at a friend's house. So, two days ago Jon called me and said, "I was driving away from Sean and Becca's house, and when I turned the corner I heard a sound like metal falling to the ground. I think I might have left the hinges to their door on the hood of the Jeep, but I'm not sure." Turns out, he did just that. Yesterday he decided it was time to replace them, so he hopped in the Jeep to go to Lowes so he correct his very Jon-like mistake...only an $8 mistake. As he was driving to Lowes to replace what had fallen off the hood of the Jeep, he noticed out of the rear-view mirror something fall, then he heard a loud crash. He had left an 8 foot long - that's right, I said 8 FOOT LONG piece of trim on top of the Jeep, and it fell off as he was picking up speed. Fortunately it fell to the side of the road, and didn't injure anyone or any cars. Seriously, though, who wouldn't notice an 8 foot long piece of wood on top of their car - that they had JUST put there??

I mentioned in a prior post how Youngstown is like Kenya in a lot of ways. Well, one way that our home reminds us of our four months in Kenya is that we have no dishwasher - except the one named Angela. Occasionally I let the pile of dishes get kind of out of control...like in this picture. An hour and a half later, all the dishes were clean, though - including the red cups (which we wash to save money - budget's kinda tight these days!). Notice how everything is very strategically stacked. I'm good! :) A few months ago I told a friend of mine that she had a great rack. She looked at me quite puzzled and a little frightened, but I reassured her that all I meant was that I liked her large, and spacious dish rack. I think it's time to upgrade.

Jon and I spent two nights and three days last weekend in Niagara on the Lake in Ontario for our five year anniversary. It was a gorgeous small town - maybe the cutest place we'd ever been to. Our B&B was amazing ('Old Town Country Landing', for those looking for a great get-away.), and the time there was just perfect. We headed to the Falls for one evening, and it was spectacular. We also got in some good people watching, as people come from all over to see the Falls. This is our favorite picture...even the Amish (or Mennonite - not sure which they are) come out to see the Falls. I don't blame them for wanting to see such an incredible view of God's awesome creation!

Johnny and Caleb have been training pretty hard lately to become super heroes. Caleb, in particular, actually thinks he's Spiderman. I think Johnny's Captain America. Either way, they're always on the hunt to destroy the bad guys. Caleb asked me yesterday with a very serious ready-to-save-the-day face if Boobie Trap was here yet. He's a bit confused, but I think his intentions are good.

My Week - Part 2

2008-08-26T14:05:00.000-04:00

So, last week ended so well for me – or it was the start of a good week…or both – I’m never sure if Sunday is the beginning of one week or the end of another. Anyway, last Sunday was such a great one.

Jon and I had done music for the Saturday evening gathering, so it was great to be able to go into the 2^nd Sunday gathering just relaxed and ready to be with friends. I felt like I needed to be “doing something”, though, so I found myself helping my good friend out in the kitchen with the coffee stuff. We didn’t get much cleaning done, but we did get a lot of good conversation in. It’s so cool to me that God just works in so many ways. I went to the gathering as a form of worship, and was expecting to take part in singing, listening to the teaching, being in on it all, but my worship came in the form of friendship that morning. It wasn’t planned, but it was so great.

A few hours after that gathering, Jon and I dropped our kids off with a couple of teens (thanks, girls!) and headed to Kingdom Meal Ministry. On the way we saw our very first car chase. It wasn’t as super-speed exciting as I imagined. In fact, the car was going fairly slow – maybe 30 MPH…we thought maybe whoever was in the car was stalling while “things” were being hidden. There were 3 cop cars chasing at first, then 1 more marked car spun around to join the chase, and then an unmarked car turned a quick right to get in on the action. I know it shouldn’t have been cool, ‘cause this is someone’s sad life, but it was kind of cool. Oh, Youngstown, how we love you!

About 30 seconds after we saw this, we saw some girl with her car stuck out in the middle of the busy road waiting to turn out of the booze drive-thru. “Is she EVER gonna go?” I thought. As I pulled up close, it turns out her car was stuck. So, we pulled over and figured out how to get her car out of the middle of the road. She’d run out of gas, and people had been honking, flipping her off and driving past her for 5 minutes, she said. That’s not a long time in actuality, but it must have felt like forever – poor girl. She couldn’t get a hold of her dad and had no idea what to do. So, we left her there, and took a trip to the gas station to get a can, and bring it back to fill her up. She was grateful. I saw myself in her, a bit. Scared – knowing she needed help, but not knowing what to do or who to ask. We were glad we drove by.

Kingdom Meal was great. I talked for a long time with a girl in her early 20’s who is 7 months pregnant with her first (and last, she claims) baby. The baby has some serious problems with his liver, and he’s already on a donor list, and will need a lot of work – and prayer. She was so cool and calm about it all, and I couldn’t quite figure out why or how. She knew that she was doing all she could, and that this child is just not in her hands right now. It seems like she has a good grasp on how life should be as followers of Christ. We do our part, but ultimately, things are in God’s hands, and we just have to trust that He will do His part – and we just trust and obey.

Jon told me that he was talking to one of the other guests, a woman named Renee, and she started quoting scripture for him. She said, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want….” She went on a little more, looking to Jon for approval. She paused for a moment, and Jon said, “That’s great!” She said, “Yeah, that’s the shit, right?!” I love that. And she’s right! J

After Kingdom Meal, we went to pick up our kids at New Hope. Youth Group was getting out, and some of the parents and leaders were around, so a big group of people ended up at our house for a fire afterwards. It was spontaneous, and just so much fun. It was what community was all about. My house wasn’t very clean (which stressed Jon out a little), but no one cared. A couple friends and I just stood around and did dishes for the first 25 minutes or so. Then we all shared a meal together, and had s’mores and Coronas (not the teens) around the fire. We even had a marshmallow fight – and it was awesome! It was just plain and simple fun…with friends who feel a lot like family. I guess they are family.

So, Sunday was a great day that ended a great week - or started another great week…I don’t know. I’m gonna say something I never imagined I’d say – I LOVE OHIO! There it is. I said it. I may never say it again, but it’s true.

My Week - Part 1

2008-08-18T11:23:00.003-04:00

This past full and exciting week was such a blessing to me in so many ways. It had such a mix of experiences and emotions, and I am so thankful for each one.

It started last Friday when I got to hang out with my oldest brother Mark and his son Christian for the weekend. They stayed at my parents’ house in New Waterford, and it was just so cool to reconnect with them after nine months. I love them both so much (and Cyndi, too, who I was sad wasn’t able to make the trip), and wish they could have stayed longer – maybe forever. We said good-bye to them on Monday afternoon.

After they left, our family and Dave and Betsy and JJ all went blueberry picking at this cool farm. My stomach is still not the same after all the blueberries I ate, but I think it was worth it – YUM! It was great to have a long weekend full of family.

Tuesday was Johnny’s birthday. I still can’t believe he is 2 – and even weirder is that he just turned 2, and we also have one child younger than him. Sometimes I do think we’re crazy to have three kids so close in age. But, it is certainly a blast! And the boys are such great friends now, it’s precious to see them run and laugh and play with each other.

Wednesday was “Mom’s Plus Dave” group at the mall, and it was fun to celebrate Johnny’s birthday with his little friends. They were so cute! Good times! Those moms (and Dave) and their sweet little ones are such a blessing to me. I had Micah Dazet with me that morning, as I did last week, and it was amazing to see the community of parents just surround him with love and each play such a part in helping to care for him.

Wednesday night was so cool. Jon played and sang at Caribou Coffee with Scott Couchenour. He was nervous going in, but did SUCH an incredible job. I know I’m a bit biased, but he was really, really, good. I have such a talented husband. It was awesome to see the place overflowing with people from our community, all out to support a couple guys they love. It was really fun!

Every Thursday we hang out with Scott and Jennie Couchenour, and Paul and Stacy Dazet (although, they’ve sadly been out of commission the past few weeks), and share dinner, conversation, and LOST together. This week we were invited last minute to go to Sean and Becca Ferrier’s house with some others (including Scott and Jennie) to watch the Steelers (boo!) pre-season game. I have no idea if they even won or lost (I think they may have lost), but the community was great! Caleb stayed up the entire time, and it was awesome to watch our friends just love him. He’s so entertaining and full of life. We loved watching him interact with our friends.

Friday evening I hosted a scrapbooking night at the church building. There were 10 of us girls, and we had a blast. It was cool, because everyone was working on their own thing, but sharing what they had, whether it be materials, food, good ideas, and conversation with the others. There were 5 new girls there that I had never met before, and they were so great! I loved making those new connections and learning things about new friends. Jon, too, had the chance to hang out with friends while I was gone. A couple guys came over for awhile and they just hung out in the back yard and talked. He had a great time.

Saturday was our 5 year anniversary. I can’t believe all that has happened in 5 years. At the end of the night, Jon and I were sitting around our fire outside talking about some of those things. In the 5 years, we’ve had 3 kids, lived in 5 different homes, lived on 2 continents, and been in 6 different countries. The path that God has led us on over these years has been an amazing and exciting one.

Sunday was an incredible day in so many ways! Too many, actually, to add to this post…I’ll wait until next time. Anyway, the week was a gift, truly, from God, and I am very thankful for it, and for those who played a part in this gift.

August 12, 2008

2008-08-12T14:35:00.002-04:00

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY, JOHNNY!!!

A Big Responsibility

2008-08-07T13:49:00.002-04:00

Wow, how time flies! The kids are getting SO big! Caleb’s summer school is almost over, and he’s going to start his first official year of preschool. He’s been telling us about a few choice friends in his class: Francesca, Sophia and Madison. This morning he told us that Augustine (another boy in his class) said he wasn’t allowed to be friends with Sophia, because she was HIS friend. The fight over girls has begun!

Due to some severe diaper rash, Johnny has started potty training. He had his diaper off yesterday from about 5:00pm til bedtime. He peed four times on the floor and zero times in the potty, and he pooped one time on the floor, one time in the grass, and zero times in the potty. It’s a work in progress. He seems so old, though. He climbs on anything and jumps off everything with some height. He’ll be two on the 12^th – I cannot believe it!

And Hannah is nearly 6 months old already! Where did these past months go? And my c-section scar is STILL sensitive! Hannah is sitting up by herself pretty well now, and has gotten her first tooth. I think I was under the impression she’d be a newborn forever. Not true.

I had a small group gathering yesterday with some wonderful lady friends of mine, and we talked some about how what happened to us in the past has affected who we are now. For example, I have clear memories of people saying things to me to make me feel dumb, fat, not good enough, not worth listening to, etc. There are things even my parents said or did that have stuck with me…not always in a positive way. It scares me now to have young children who are incredibly impressionable and who are looking to Jon and I to help mold them into the people they will become. It’s a HUGE job – one I don’t always feel cut out for. I’m scared to say or do that one wrong thing that sticks with them forever and gives them bad self-esteem, or leads them astray. I just pray, pray, pray, that I will have strength from God to do my “job” of being a mom to the best of my ability.

One day this summer we were at the park and overheard one child ask a 5 year old boy what his dad was like. This little boy responded, “If you see a guy who’s angry all the time, that’s my dad.” That blew my mind, and broke my heart. This was the way this poor child viewed his dad – angry all the time. Do my kids think the same of me? I thought about this conversation a lot over the next few days. One night after I’d had a tough day with the kids, and had taken frustrations out on them probably unfairly, I laid in bed with Caleb and asked him what he would say if someone asked him what his Mommy was like. He said, “I would say that she loves me very much.” Phew! I guess a bad day or two isn’t going to ruin my relationship with my kids. I cried out of relief and love at his answer. I asked him the same question again this morning. He responded, “I would say that she’s nice, and fun and nice and Superman, girl.” Funny.

For those who think we stay-at-home parents have it easy, and that we just sit around all day and watch TV or play, think again. We are molding people…physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. That’s a big, scary, exciting, rewarding, exhausting, challenging, amazing job – and I love it! (Most days.)

Friends...Community...Life

2008-08-03T14:31:00.003-04:00

Normally on Sundays, Jon and I lead music for both the 9:30 and the 11:15 gatherings. Then, we’ll see who’s around, and who wants to either join us out for lunch or, like last week, come over and hang out at our place and share a meal, and a little bit of life together. This week was different. Jon and I went to the 9:30 gathering, and since the gathering was just a video today, we didn’t have to do any music, and therefore didn’t have to stay. Our normal lunch crew wasn’t around yet, so we left…alone…and came home…alone. It was sad. As we were driving away, we were saying that it was weird not leaving with anyone else to go hang out. We’ve really come to love being in community with so many friends, neighbors, family, other moms and dads, etc. It’s been great having 3 or 4 days a week spent with these people, and we miss it when we don’t get the chance to do that. So anyway, thank you, friends, for being our friends. We love you, and cherish our relationships with you…and we miss you when we don’t get to be together.

One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure

2008-07-28T13:45:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at our church gathering, we were blessed to have a baptism service during which two of our teenagers were baptized. It was an awesome and emotional time of seeing and hearing about Jesus transforming lives. Caleb was quite interested in the big pool in the middle of the room. “Can I go swimming?” “No,” we replied, “it’s for baptizing people.” That answer made no sense to him, of course, so Jon sat down and talked through what baptism is with Caleb. It was a sweet moment to watch, as father and son discussed what it was to live for Jesus. At the end Caleb decided, “I want to live like Jesus.” How cool is that? (Really, I think he just wanted to get in the “pool”, and if he gave that answer like the teens had, maybe he’d get to.)

Jon used that little conversation with Caleb during his worship leading, and said something like how we often make things quite complicated as Christians, but really all it should come down to is that we just want to live like Jesus.

Jon and I were able to go to Kingdom Meal Ministry again yesterday, and I witnessed the coolest and most unique “living like Jesus” example I’ve seen in a while. After the meal was done, Jon and I were walking around with a trash can, cleaning up after people. We stopped and chatted for a minute with this one man, and then we scooped up his stuff and continued on with our quest to find and throw out all the trash in the room. Some time later, this same man ran to Jon, and was saying something with a look of great concern on his face. I couldn’t hear at this point, because I was at another table. Jon quickly pulled the trash can to the side, and nearly tossed himself into it. Turns out that the man had taken out his partial retainer and wrapped it up in a napkin while he ate so as not to gross out anyone walking past. Very thoughtful. During our conversation with him this had slipped this man’s mind, and so we just scooped it up with everything else. So, Jon went through each dirty plate and napkin in that (industrial sized) trash can (and they were VERY dirty – it had been greasy, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes night) until he found this man’s retainer. The man offered to help, but Jon let him know that he didn’t need to get his hands dirty, that Jon would find it for him…and he did!

This was such a beautiful picture. It reminded me of foot washing, where someone would get down to the lowest and dirtiest part of another and lovingly and gently wash them. My husband was a gorgeous image of Jesus for me last night, and I would imagine for that man. There was preaching going on…not through words, but through living and loving.

My Favorite Big Guy

2008-07-24T15:08:00.004-04:00

My sister-in-law and wonderful friend Betsy always refers to her husband Dave as her favorite big guy, and her son JJ as her favorite little guy. I like that! Well, Jon happens to be my favorite big guy – for many reasons. One of the things that I love about Jon is that he makes me so happy, and he really makes me laugh…a lot of times without even trying.

Jon’s what some might call “accident prone”. If there’s something around to bang your head on, leave it to Jon…and not just once or twice, but each time he goes near this object. You’d think he’d learn after the first time, but no, not Jon! It’s pretty much a daily occurrence – too many to try and explain. Just about every time (and I’m not exaggerating by saying just about every time) we sit down to eat something, he’ll drip food on his pants, or spill his coffee down his shirt. It just always seems to be something, and it never seems to get any less funny!

A couple fun examples:

I called Jon at work yesterday around lunch time just to check in and chat. He said something along the lines of, “UGH! I’m so embarrassed. I’m at the Mocha House which is packed today, and I just picked up the ketchup to put some on my sandwich. When I went to shake it, I realized too late that the lid wasn’t on tight, and the cap came flying off and ketchup went EVERYWHERE! I look like I just got stabbed in the chest!” For some reason, I wasn’t really surprised to hear that story – this is just pretty typical!

Jon used to work for a construction company. At one sight they kept their equipment in a locker. He closed the locker, locked it up with the key, and then realized he’d forgotten to put something in it. So, he went to open the locker back up and could not find the key anywhere. He looked…and looked…and looked…and looked – for 15 minutes (seriously) – he had JUST used the key. After all that time searching everywhere, he finally realized he’d put the key between his teeth while he was getting his stuff together, so as NOT to lose it. Only Jon…
A couple weeks ago we had friends over and we had made a fire in the backyard. We sat around and chatted then decided to make s’mores. So, everyone’s got their marshmallows toasting – including Jon. Jon’s marshmallow lit on fire, so he brought the stick up to blow the flames out. He clearly misjudged how far away his face was from the end of the stick, and he put the flaming hot, molten marshmallow right on his nose, singeing it. He was okay, but there was a nasty bubble and then a mark on his nose for nearly a week. I love this guy!

Ohio - a mission field?

2008-07-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

I’ve had these thoughts running through my mind recently, and I feel like I’ve been afraid to give them more than a few minutes on my mind. Jon and I both felt called before we even began dating, to help people in need. We both have a heart for other cultures, and have spent time separately and together overseas doing work in the name of Jesus. My heart truly aches when I see videos or pictures from Africa, or people around the world – from other cultures – who are in need. How can we help? When can we go? What can we do? God, is this what you want us to do?

I have questions and not many answers at this point. The only thing I know is that we REALLY want to be in the center of God’s will – being his hands and feet on this earth. I guess I also know that I have a passion for other cultures and to help those in need. For years and years now I have assumed that this passion would be played out in Africa, as it has in the past, or in another part of the world. Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe this passion will play…are you ready for this?...in Ohio! What? Ohio? There are needy people in farm country? Other cultures?

There are a few other cultures here in Ohio that we have encountered. First, take a walk through Rogers on any given Friday and you will find a culture all its own. Rogers is a huge (I’m tempted to go back to my middle school days and use the word “humungous”) flea market, and people come from all over to go to this thing. It truly is a sub-culture around here. This, however, is not the culture I feel drawn to. There is another culture (I’m sure more than one) in Youngstown…a very rough, very poor, and very needy culture. At the moment, I believe Youngstown has the fourth highest murder rate of any city in this country. We live three streets away from Youngstown, and we’ve been warned where not to go after dark. Even people within this culture go on lockdown in their homes a lot of the time because they are frightened of their own neighbors.

We’ve spent the past three Sundays with 150 or so of the people from this city, and we have just fallen in love with them. They are amazing people who, more than anything, are in need of someone to listen to them, and to be open with. They’re looking for someone to hear them and relate to them – struggles with kids, abuse, drugs, alcohol, homelessness, death, etc. We’ve loved being there and sharing time and love with them.

I recently wrote an email to a good friend of mine telling her a bit about how much Youngstown is like Kenya. The poverty, the hair salons, the shops (my favorite shop is the one that advertises on the outside of the building that it sells “Beer, Wine, Cigarettes, Chicken and Beauty Supplies” – all the necessities of life! – it really could be right out of Kenya) and so much more. I then joked and said, “Maybe instead of being missionaries to Kenya, we’ll be missionaries to Youngstown”. I realized almost as I was writing this, and definitely right after I sent this email, that maybe that’s not so much of a joke after all. Maybe God brought us to this area to keep us in this area.

A few of you know God’s sense of humor with me. I always said I would never marry a red-head. (Not sure, why, but I said it.) Most of you know Jon and his hair. I also said I would never live in PA (I thought people from PA were weird – how judgmental was I?!) Many of you know we spent a year and a half living near Philly (and the people were great!). After my parents moved out here to farm country Ohio, I then said, I would NEVER live in Ohio. God, you are a funny one sometimes! But seriously, what if He wants us here – for good, or at least for quite a while? I feel like I would really have to mourn the loss of my dreams of being in Africa. Maybe more than falling in love with the people and the places there, I fell in love with how exotic it was. Isn’t it much cooler to say that you are on the mission field in Africa than it is to say that you are on the mission field in Youngstown, Ohio? It makes me realize how potentially selfish some of my thoughts about missions have been. In it for the “coolness” of the journey…sad. I hadn’t thought about this way until recently.

My main goal – our main goal as husband and wife – needs to be to go where He leads, whether it is overseas, or three streets away. We’ve talked within our community a bit lately about how the US is the biggest mission field in the world now – we are a needy country, on so many levels. I always thought that this mission field was for someone else…but maybe it’s not…

God, lead me. I pray every day by myself and with my children that I just want to trust you – and I do trust you. Show us where to go…Show us what to do…

2008-07-14T20:09:00.000-04:00

As requested...pictures of my dear May-May. What a doll!

Relationships Today

2008-07-13T21:17:00.000-04:00

Today was a very cool day.

For those of you who have read my past posts, you might remember me talking about May-May. She is the six-year old daughter of the woman, Annette that I met at the Salvation Army two weeks ago. Well, this morning at 8:30, I was in the Southside of Youngstown picking up May-May for church. I got a big, familiar hug from her when I got out of the car, and one from Annette, too. It was great to see them again! I buckled May-May in the backseat of our minivan next to Johnny, and away we went. (Caleb had gone to church even earlier with Jon in the Jeep.) I had put on a farm CD for them to listen to in the back, and it was the sweetest thing hearing May-May’s off tune voice singing out Old MacDonald and other fun favorites. Johnny sang some here and there, but spent most of the time just staring at May-May. I could see his wheels spinning in his brain wondering why her skin looked different than his. He was focusing mostly on her arms. I realized that he doesn’t remember any of the four months of his life in Kenya, so May-May is really the first dark skinned person he’s spent this much time next to. By the time we got to church, he’d gotten over the skin thing. They walked hand in hand through the parking lot on the way to the building. It was a beautiful site! While Jon and I practiced music, Johnny ran around asking, “Are oo, May-May?” wondering where she was hiding. Johnny and Caleb loved their new friend!

So, the gathering happened, Johnny was in the nursery with Hannah and the other little ones, Caleb was in the 3 and 4 year old class, and May-May was upstairs having games and story time with the bigger kids. She had a BLAST!! Her excitement when she came down was just priceless. It was as if she was just able to be a kid for the first time in a long time. She loved it! Plus, since Jon and I do music for both gatherings on Sunday mornings, she got to have a double dose of the fun – she was pretty pumped about that! After it all, she and Caleb and Johnny chased each other for an eternity through the chairs and down the hallways and in and out of the classrooms. They had so much fun together.

I was excited about having May-May for the afternoon. We went out to lunch at the local pizza buffet place, and then headed back to our house. My kids went down for a nap – and so did Jon, so it was just me and May-May hanging out. We had a great time cooking and eating at the play kitchen. She made me some fabulous broccoli and chicken! Then it was time for me to clean the real kitchen a bit. She said she’d never helped do dishes before – she always asked her mom to help, but her mom says no. So, we did the dishes together, and then she cleaned the sinks, and scrubbed the stove top, and helped sweep the floors. What a helper! While we did all that we had some time to chat. Her favorite food is macaroni and cheese. When I asked her what she’d had for dinner the night before, she said nothing. I asked if she was serious, and she said yes. Her mom forgot to make her anything. When I asked her if she said anything to her mom about dinner, she said that she didn’t because her mom knows she’s supposed to feed her, she just didn’t do it. Then she said she hadn’t had any lunch or breakfast either. Now, I’m not sure if she knew exactly what she was saying, cause at the pizza place today, she didn’t exactly seem desperate to eat anything. So, who knows? But…maybe she hadn’t eaten. Sad. I asked her what her favorite thing about her mom is, and she said that she’s nice to everyone. I then asked her if there was anything she didn’t like about her mom. She answered that she doesn’t like that she cusses so much, and that she leaves her with her Grandma all the time. But…then I asked May-May what her favorite holiday is. She answered Mother’s Day, because she gets to give her mom gifts. How sweet is that?!

May-May came with us to the Salvation Army in the afternoon, and helped out serving drinks for awhile before I brought her home to her mom’s boyfriend’s house. When I dropped her off, I got one of those great big hugs, and once again my heart just melted. Jon and I did our thing at the S.A. again, and it was awesome, as usual. An hour or so after we got home, Annette called to see how the day went with May-May, and she also wanted to tell me that since she’d gotten home, May-May has been saying that everything is, “Awesome!!” Apparently that word was not part of her vocabulary before I came along. Cute. They both sounded so happy. Annette told me she’s excited to come with us to church next week, too. I’m pretty excited about it, too. God has really opened a door with our relationship and I’m pretty pumped to see how He continues to mold these relationships.

Speaking of God molding relationships, as I sit down in the basement writing this post, Jon is upstairs hanging out and playing guitar with his friend Greg. Greg is a plumber who’s been doing work on Jon’s job site. Greg is an alcoholic and recovering heavy drug addict, who is having extreme marital tension. We’ve really seen God at work in Greg’s life. He’s felt His hand moving in amazing ways in his own life, and he’s giving God the credit for it, which is very cool. Greg’s come to church with Jon a few times now – once he brought his 7 year old son, Gregory. He has shared custody of him with Gregory’s mother. So, what’s cool about right now is that Jon’s upstairs teaching Greg some guitar stuff, and they’re totally worshiping together. God is very present up there right now. They’re playing and singing the chorus, “Better is One Day” and it is just such an amazing thing to listen to knowing all that Greg is going through right now. It’s been a blessing to Jon that Greg has confided in him about everything he’s dealing with. God has truly brought them together.

I’m slowly learning that loving others – which is done in a lot of different ways – really is what God calls us all to do. So far it’s pretty great!

Moms Plus Dave

2008-07-09T13:59:00.000-04:00

My brother Dave is a stay-at-home Dad. I am a stay-at-home Mom. Dave lives in New Waterford - out in the boondocks. I live 30 minutes away in Boardman – the center of things around here. Dave and I and our families, plus our parents, all lived together until April, so naturally, now that we are living apart, I miss being a stay-at-home parent with my brother. And, our kids miss each other, too – most days. So, we decided that we would meet up at the mall once a week so we could hang out and our kids could play at the play-place together. It ended up being on a Wednesday a few weeks in a row, so we just decided to make it official – Wednesdays at 9:30, play time for everyone! One week I invited my friend Stacy. Thus officially formed the “Moms Plus Dave Group”. Stacy and I began talking with other moms who would show up, and we found out that there are lots of moms out there who are lonely and doing this mom thing with little or no support. So, while Dave hung back (not wanting to appear as though he was hitting on the moms), Stacy and I were spreading the word to moms here and there about how we meet regularly, and they’re welcome to come hang out, too. So, we met Leanne and her son Chase, Heather and her daughter Nevaeh, Laura and her son Colin, Kathy and her son Conner, Michelle and her daughter Ellie, and others who have come back once, or have yet to come back. Also, our friend Erin from church started coming, and my neighbor and friend Lisa has been coming regularly. It’s been pretty great!

Today was my favorite day, so far, I think. Dave and Stacy weren’t able to be there (no, that’s not why today was my favorite), but Leanne and Chase, Erin and Emma and Eric, Lisa and Alex and Lilly, Michelle and Ellie, my mom, and me and Johnny and Hannah (Caleb was at school) were all there today. This was actually the first time I’d met Michelle. I’d seen her the past two weeks, but she always came and read a book or talked on the phone while her daughter played. Today we finally talked, and she told me that Ellie has a twin who has cerebral palsy, and that she and Ellie come to the mall and wait while the other daughter gets her muscle therapy. It was amazing that Michelle was so open with a mom she had just met. To me that showed how needy we moms (and dads) are for interaction and camaraderie. I asked a couple of the moms how their mornings had been up until the mall time. They said, “Oh, pretty good” and other similar comments. Then I said, “My morning sucked!” I explained a bit about how I had gotten so frustrated and yelled at the boys, and swore under my breath. After I shared about that, it was amazing how all the other moms were in agreement about they are the same way. They all get frustrated and sometimes act irrationally and yell really loud. I was telling them that I was sure Lisa heard me yelling this morning (she’s my next door neighbor). Lisa said, “Well, if you haven’t heard me yet, then I’ll never hear you, ‘cause I yell loud!” Another mom then mentioned how it was nice to know they were not the only one who went through this. It was pretty cool to take off my “everything is fine” mask and just be real with these other moms about how my day had been so far. I think it was a bonding moment for us all this morning. Leanne suggested that we all get together with our spouses sometime soon and have a “potluck cookout”, where we all pitch in and have a meal together. What a great idea! She and her husband have not been in the area too long, and they’re looking to make friends. I’m so excited to see this group become closer, and really get to know each other. God is pretty cool to bring people together the way that He has. Moms Plus Dave Group rocks! :)

An Ordinary Screw-up

2008-07-07T20:19:00.001-04:00

A good friend shared with me recently that she feels that she is not putting herself out there to be used by God the way that she’d like to be. I just want to talk about that for a minute…

It’s been about a year now that we have been home from Kenya and have been living in Ohio. For quite a number of months, we saw our living in this area as temporary – waiting around until we found out where God wanted us next. We prayed about and searched for where that next place was. For awhile, we were pretty convinced it was back in Massachusetts. For another while, we were pretty convinced we’d be moving to Columbus, OH. We even thought for awhile it might be Greensboro, NC. But, we never thought Youngstown, OH would be home for us. After all, isn’t it like the city with the second highest murder rate in the country, or something like that? No thanks! One day while we were looking everywhere but here, I realized that I was missing all the amazing opportunities that had been laid before me. We were (and still are) a part of an amazing church community that reaches out beyond its walls. We were (and still are) making meaningful friendships with people in the church and in our neighborhood. Why was I looking past these things? I don’t know why, but once I stopped looking past them, and realized how beautiful life was becoming here, it was almost like God showed us that THIS is where I want you, so stop looking everywhere else. It was hard for us to disappoint some friends of ours who we had told we’d probably be coming their way to live pretty soon. But, we had such a peace about staying here. Now, it was really getting involved…

I feel like whether I am in a place for a day or a month or a life time, I should be giving God 100% of myself for Him to use. I was saddened that I had waited to get out of that temporary mindset first. But, the situation was what it was for the moment, and I had to work in that moment. So, I really was ready to get involved. For as long as I can remember I have had a passion for needy people. I’ve felt like God has used me in a number of ways over the past few months (as stated in the blog a couple of posts ago), but I was still lacking that real feeling of being used in the way that was compatible with my passions. Last week’s time at the Salvation Army was the first time that I really felt like, “Yeah! This is it! This is what I am really passionate about – this is where I want to direct my energy!” I did what needed to be done, and it was great! Last night, Jon and I went back, and it was just as amazing. The need was huge, and many hungry people were fed. By the end of the evening, my feet were killing me, because I wore uncomfortable flip-flops, but I just didn’t want to stop. I had this God-given fire under me keeping me going. It started in my heart and in my spirit and worked its way out to my physical body, so I could do what needed to be done. I loved every minute of it – despite the pain in my feet.

That’s been the challenge for myself – finding where God can use me in line with my passions. For now, I’ve found it, and I can’t wait to find more things like it! Maybe God is challenging all of us to find somewhere where we feel that God-given fire inside of us, energizing us to do his work. Maybe it’s feeding those who are hungry; maybe it’s talking to and befriending lonely people; maybe it’s starting a small group community; maybe it’s fixing people’s cars; maybe it’s having people over to your home to share a meal. Maybe it’s a couple of those things. What are your passions? I will be praying with you as you minister through your passions, or seek to be used more by Him. It is truly amazing that He wants to and DOES use ordinary screw-ups like you and me to do His work.

I Guess I Like Being the Doorman

2008-07-05T14:48:00.000-04:00

Jon and I had the privilege of going with a group of people from New Hope (our church community) to the Salvation Army in Youngstown to serve a meal for people who are either homeless or who are in financial distress and just needed a meal. I was put on “door duty” – I was the greeter. I wasn’t certain what that was going to be like. Is it like at church when you walk in and someone is there with a smile and they shake your hand and welcome you, then move on to the next person? I never wanted to be a “greeter”. Why did Jon volunteer me for this job? I wanted to be inside bringing the meal to people. Being at the door ended up being such an amazing experience. The first thing I decided was that I didn’t want to be like one of the greeters I’ve grown up seeing just inside the door of the church building. When I go to my “post” I saw a woman sitting at the wall alone. I went and sat with her. Her name is Ranita and she was very sweet. We talked for awhile about her eight kids and my three. She smoked a couple cigarettes and I inhaled it all second hand. It was a great time of making a new friend. Throughout the evening, people were in and out of the doors I was “manning”. There was a guy named CJ who was pretty fired up about life – not completely in a positive way, but I think his energy could be channeled towards positive things. At one point I thought he might actually punch me – he was pretty upset that we have only a push mower and not a ride on. Hey, it was a big deal for him, I guess. Inside, Jon ended up breaking up a scuffle between CJ and another gentleman. Towards the end of the night another woman walked over and sat down right where Ranita and I had talked earlier. I went over to this woman, half expecting another pleasant conversation and some more second hand smoke. Instead, when I asked this woman if she was going to come inside for dinner, I received an attitude, no eye-contact, and a blunt, “No!” She then told me she was just waiting for someone. With her was her young daughter. The daughter, whose name is May-May, was being sent in to look for this someone – her Uncle James. So, I took her by the hand, and when we got into the gym where the meal was, I picked her up and we walked from table to table looking through the sea of about 150 faces for Uncle James. He was no where to be found, but, May-May sweetly mentioned that she was hungry and wanted a sandwich. I told her that I would love to get her one but that I needed to ask her Mommy first. So, outside we went. I sat down next to her mom, and first asked her name. She answered that her name is Annette. Annette said that May-May could have a sandwich but had to bring it out here because they needed to leave. So, I took May-May back in and we snuck her a sandwich (with permission, of course). The rules are that any food being given out needs to be consumed inside the building, but for a hungry little six-year-old whose mommy had to go, an exception was made. We went back out and sat down with Annette. She took a few bites of May-May’s sloppy joe. I could tell Annette was hungry, so I asked again if she wanted to come in for some dinner. I told her I would sit with her and we could talk, but still she refused. I asked again – I was getting persistent. She hung her head and showed me a bag. In it was a 40oz. bottle of cheap beer half gone. She was ashamed because she’d been drinking. I assured her no one would care or ask her any questions. When she refused again I offered to put her bottle in my car, so that she could go in and eat without feeling so embarrassed. She agreed to this idea. Then she told me that she needed someone to pray for her. I asked if I could pray with her right then. With her head still down, she nodded. I put my arm around Annette, and she just melted into my arms and I could feel her cry shakes begin. I prayed, but truly I have no idea what I said. I believe the Spirit spoke through me in those few minutes. After some time Annette decided she’s prayed enough and was ready to go in and eat. So, Annette, May-May and I headed in, and got there just in time. They got the last of all the food – including dessert. People were leaving, and tables and chairs were being put away all around us. But, for those 25 minutes, time seemed to stand still. It was one of the best meals I’ve ever had, and not a bite of food even went in my mouth. We laughed, and we cried. We got excited for May-May that she wants to be a teacher when she grows up. That made Annette cry, because as sure as she was that her daughter could do that, she saw the hopelessness in their situation - a drunk mother walking around the city of Youngstown with her six-year-old daughter at her side. Annette clearly loves her daughter (and her four other kids who have been taken from her), and just aches that she fills the voids in her life with alcohol and drugs – and that her daughter is a witness to these things. After a great meal, it was about time to go. I packed a box for them: a bit of left over food, some boxes of Jell-o, some pots and pans, a toaster, a loaf of bread, a blender, a blanket and a little candle in a pink flower holder for May-May’s room. I wanted to give them the world, but this was all I could find. It was time to say good-bye. I asked Annette if she would be back next week. She said probably not. I told her that if she promised that she would come back, I promised I would come back, too. She quickly agreed, so we are hoping to meet again this Sunday evening. I hope she comes back. I picked up May-May for a hug good-bye, and her hug was like none I’ve ever received before. There was such desperation in her hug. She held on so tight, and I think if I hadn’t pried her off me 4 or 5 minutes later, she might have hung on forever. This was a little girl desperate for someone to give her their full attention, and just love on her. I fell in love with May-May in that moment, and that is a hug that will stay with me forever. My hug from Annette seemed almost as desperate. It was as if she was thanking me without ever saying the words. She was more than welcome – it was my pleasure spending time with her and her beautiful daughter. We all said good-bye, see you next week, and went on our way. I told the coordinator that I didn’t know how it all worked, but that I needed to come back next week. She happily agreed, and was thankful for the way she saw the love of Jesus reflect through Jon and I that evening. I guess I wouldn't mind being a greeter, again.

Please pray with me for Annette and May-May if you think of it. They are desperate people in desperate situations in life, and there are so many others like them. It just breaks my heart. I know, too, that it breaks Jesus’ heart. We are to be his hands and his feet in this world. I am more than honored to help be a part of that. Lord, help us love like you love, and to see your children the way that you see them.

He uses ME??

2008-07-02T22:48:00.000-04:00

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with self-esteem issues - in many different areas of my life, and for various reasons. One of the ways I get down on myself is thinking that I am just pretty useless, and that God can't really use me. I have a degree in "nothing" (Liberal Arts, actually, but that translates to "nothing" in my world), I'm not specialized in anything, I have no career path, etc., etc. So, I said to a friend lately that I need to start writing down times when I feel God has used me in a situation. I guess here is just as good a place as any, right? Then maybe I can expound on some of these places I have seen God at work through me. Here's what I can come up with:

1. In my everyday life I am a stay-at-home mom raising three young children - it's a tough "calling", but most days I really love it.

2. My brother and I kind of started a "Moms plus Dave" group that meets at the mall play area every Wednesday at 9:30am. We see needy and lonely moms and invite them to come back next week, so they won't be in it alone anymore - at least for one morning a week.

3. Jon and I are leading music at New Hope for the two Sunday gatherings. It's something I really enjoy, and music is an incredible way for me to connect with God. It's great to be a part of helping others connect, as well.

4. We have broken the barrier between ourselves and our awesome neighbors. Literally, actually. We decided together to tear down part of the fence separating our yards so that we can share space - gardens, playgrounds, toys, etc.

5. This past Sunday I participated in the Kingdom Meal Ministry at the Salvation Army in Youngstown, and I was immediately hooked. Relationships were made that were truly gifts from God. He was present this past week, and I know He will be again as we gather together this Sunday. I'm excited to see that unfold!

Again, it's weird writing this stuff which seems like it's about myself. But, honestly, I give all the praise to God for choosing to do His thing. He's awesome! I can't believe He uses normal, low self-esteem, graduated with a degree in nothing kind of people to do His work. It's very cool! I praise Him. I thank Him, and He's got a good list going through me. What's He doing through your life? It's certainly something good.

"He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to carry it to completion."

Another Blog Begins

2008-07-02T22:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I have officially given in. I thought I would not become a blogger, but I have been considering it for awhile. I've had some cool experiences, and everyday things that I thought would be good to put in writing. So, it begins. I don't promise anything educational or totally thought provoking, but hopefully it will give a glimpe into my life - our life - the Austin clan from Massachusetts, Britain, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Kenya, wherever we happen to be. This is weird because I've always had trouble talking about myself...feeling like my feelings and "issues" would just burden people. But, God is changing me, and I feel like He is calling me to be vulnerable, open, transparent, and real with the people in my life. So, here goes...