I have literally not looked at my blog (or really anyone else's, for that matter) in nearly 4 months...mostly I'm sorry to myself for that - and Sam. Why have i been avoiding it? Well, I pretty much reached my weight goals (although I'm up about 5 pounds from where I want to be, but it's not from a lack of knowing what to do and how to do it, just from slacking), and I just didn't want to blog about that boring stuff anymore. And lately, I have had SO MUCH on my mind that I haven't even known where to begin when it comes to playing catch-up with blogging. So, maybe I won't even try...
But where should I begin? Maybe I will just list some thoughts I've been having, and then at some point in later blogs I will expand on some of the details on some of my thoughts. Yeah...that's what I'll do.
So, lately I've been struggling with:
* my feelings that perhaps the church as a whole (and I am generalizing here) is REALLY missing it. This is a horrendously sick and dying world - physically and spiritually - and it seems we've convinced ourselves that showing up and doing all the right, cool things on Sundays is what it means to live a life worthy of the calling of Christ...
* my feelings of judgment towards the judgmental. Does that make sense? So many Christians put so much emphasis on the DON'Ts in life (are we even certain that they are "don'ts"?) that we forget about the command to LOVE. I struggle not to get angry with that.
* waiting on God. He has caused my heart to really beat for those in developing nations, but I struggle not knowing WHEN or even IF He will send us to them, and if He is, then by what means will He use? I've allowed this to be a factor of UNmotivation for me in present day living - with my home, and my kids, and my husband and serving right here and now.
* a lack of feeling as though I'm stepping out on faith to do anything. I was encouraged in our Uganda meeting on Sunday to hear one team member talk about how this trip is THE GREATEST leap of faith that he has ever taken. I crave that leap, and that need and that dependence. What am I missing? What am I not doing? Am I stagnant?
* wondering if this trip to Uganda that Jon and I are leading is a God-driven and led trip, or something that I just decided to plan to get me to Africa sooner than God is intending. Wow, that's scary for me to say out loud...
Maybe that's it for now. If I have one or two readers left out there, don't hesitate to comment or ask questions.
Ahhhh...I must say, it feels good to be back!
I'm a frugal Momma these days....
14 years ago
6 comments:
I don't think that love can have a wrong motivation. It may not be where you think you heart should be but for the moment... do deny yourself the feeling of wanting to be there. MUCH good has come from wrong intentions. (IF that is what they are.)
~Allie Holcomb
God gives us great capacity to imagine, dream, desire and search for the best and right road to travel.He uses our heartfelt emotions to see the need in others lives.But whilst we may look for the place to serve Him in far away lands there are those who are struggling to see His love right where we are NOW!!The answers to our hearts desire to serve the Lord are often so close that we forget to look for them or simply just don't see what's in front of our noses!!God forgive us and help us.
Ang, thanks for the openness. Much of what you wrote about, I can relate to....specifically about the church and juding the judgemental. That is why your Mom and I are so good together, we get each other where this is concerned. As far as everything else, I wonder...do you ever go to Pittsburgh to the bridge anymore? Or maybe they are trying to find places with more covereage...IDK. Just a thought. Again, Thanks
I got stuck on struggle #1 -- have you read either of Francis Chan's books?? (Crazy Love / Forgotten God) What he writes in those books are right up this alley!
I think you're right in that some churches are missing in - some Christians are missing it, but there are some out there that GET it and are trying to change the mindset of what it truly means to be a follower of Christ...just wish there was more!
As soon as we think it's about the 'stuff' we do on Sunday mornings, we are going down the long road to nowhere. Christ didn't call us to have great programming, he called us to go into ALL the world and preach the good news of His Gospel!
I just keep praying that God will use the passion He's put inside me to change the mindset for His glory and purposes.
You don't owe me anything, but it is so good to read your updates. I don't know if it's where I'm at in life or maybe where I'm at is opening my eyes to different things, but I am strengthened by your struggles. I hope that doesn't come off wrong, but I think you know what I mean. We may not see each other often (read: enough)but you and Jon have always been a huge inspiration to me. Just thought you should know.
Also, I haven't seen you since I found out about the Uganda trip, but I want you to know I've been praying for you and Jon. What a great opportunity for you two.
Ang,
You and Jon have always inspired me with how you live out your faith, you take risks based on your faith in the leadership of God. Maybe what you're feeling now regarding your faith is what many people feel on a regular basis. I don't think it means you've lost faith or are stagnant or anything like that. You have so much going on in your life right now, including 4 little ones who take so much energy, as well as a variety of ministries. Keep taking one step at a time and hang in there. Lots of people are
praying for you.
Mom
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