A Big Responsibility

Wow, how time flies! The kids are getting SO big! Caleb’s summer school is almost over, and he’s going to start his first official year of preschool. He’s been telling us about a few choice friends in his class: Francesca, Sophia and Madison. This morning he told us that Augustine (another boy in his class) said he wasn’t allowed to be friends with Sophia, because she was HIS friend. The fight over girls has begun!

Due to some severe diaper rash, Johnny has started potty training. He had his diaper off yesterday from about 5:00pm til bedtime. He peed four times on the floor and zero times in the potty, and he pooped one time on the floor, one time in the grass, and zero times in the potty. It’s a work in progress. He seems so old, though. He climbs on anything and jumps off everything with some height. He’ll be two on the 12^th – I cannot believe it!

And Hannah is nearly 6 months old already! Where did these past months go? And my c-section scar is STILL sensitive! Hannah is sitting up by herself pretty well now, and has gotten her first tooth. I think I was under the impression she’d be a newborn forever. Not true.

I had a small group gathering yesterday with some wonderful lady friends of mine, and we talked some about how what happened to us in the past has affected who we are now. For example, I have clear memories of people saying things to me to make me feel dumb, fat, not good enough, not worth listening to, etc. There are things even my parents said or did that have stuck with me…not always in a positive way. It scares me now to have young children who are incredibly impressionable and who are looking to Jon and I to help mold them into the people they will become. It’s a HUGE job – one I don’t always feel cut out for. I’m scared to say or do that one wrong thing that sticks with them forever and gives them bad self-esteem, or leads them astray. I just pray, pray, pray, that I will have strength from God to do my “job” of being a mom to the best of my ability.

One day this summer we were at the park and overheard one child ask a 5 year old boy what his dad was like. This little boy responded, “If you see a guy who’s angry all the time, that’s my dad.” That blew my mind, and broke my heart. This was the way this poor child viewed his dad – angry all the time. Do my kids think the same of me? I thought about this conversation a lot over the next few days. One night after I’d had a tough day with the kids, and had taken frustrations out on them probably unfairly, I laid in bed with Caleb and asked him what he would say if someone asked him what his Mommy was like. He said, “I would say that she loves me very much.” Phew! I guess a bad day or two isn’t going to ruin my relationship with my kids. I cried out of relief and love at his answer. I asked him the same question again this morning. He responded, “I would say that she’s nice, and fun and nice and Superman, girl.” Funny.

For those who think we stay-at-home parents have it easy, and that we just sit around all day and watch TV or play, think again. We are molding people…physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. That’s a big, scary, exciting, rewarding, exhausting, challenging, amazing job – and I love it! (Most days.)