Be Still. Trust.

As I was lying in bed last night waiting to fall asleep, I had a lot on my mind. A song came to me in the midst of my busy thoughts:

“Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am God.

I am the Lord that healeth thee. I am the Lord that healeth thee. I am the Lord that healeth thee.

In Thee, oh Lord, I place my trust. In Thee, oh Lord, I place my trust. In Thee, oh Lord, I place my trust.”

This simple tune had come to me one other time in my life, just about a year and a half ago when our family was far from home and living in Kenya. Johnny was really sick and we had to bring him to the Kijabe Hospital – a mission hospital about 45 minutes from where we lived. He had been lethargic, feverish and vomiting for a couple of days, and had taken in no food, milk or water. It was sad. He needed an IV, but his veins were so small in his arms that they had to shave the side of his head at his temple and insert the IV needle there. He had been too weak to cry for the past two days, but when he felt that pain, he just started screaming and crying. I had to stay with him that night all alone, and I was scared. He received one IV bag of fluids, and in an upset and painful fit, he ripped it out of his head. So, they had me hold him down while they shaved the other side of his little head with a scalpel, and insert another IV there. Half a bag of fluids later, the IV just stopped working. It was the middle of the night, Johnny was making little to no progress and he was exhausted. They wanted to put in another IV, and I just told them “No.”, I couldn’t handle it, and neither could Johnny. It was just too overwhelming. So, I stood and rocked my tired, sick baby in my arms, and I truly believe that God gave me that song – the song I wrote above. I cried as I sang him to sleep, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and desperate. When he woke up a few hours later, Johnny was ready to eat. He nursed and nursed, and drank water from a bottle. It was truly a miracle. When medicine failed, and nothing around us seemed to go right, God lifted us into his arms and carried us through – and I truly believe He healed my baby.

I believe that song didn’t just happen to pop into my head last night. I believe like before, God gave me that song to remind me that he is carrying me through. Right now I am dealing with some stuff that just feels completely overwhelming and out of my control. I am exhausted and feeling desperate. My “healing” may be a slower process than Johnny’s was, but the promise is the same. God is with me, carrying me through. He will not leave me nor forsake me. I need to be still and know that He is God. I know that He will heal my heart and help me through my moment-by-moment struggles. I just need to trust Him. And I do…not always an easy thing, but I do.